My kid is almost three and a half, and he refuses to use the potty. Last year, I thought we were ready. I read the book, bought all the things I thought we needed, got new underwear that he chose, and borrowed potty books from the library. I planned to have a chill week at home. But it didn’t happen; he got really upset by the few accidents he had, and it broke my heart to see how much he hated it. I decided to give it time – every kid is different, right? And we, as parents, need to help them go at their own pace.
But a year has passed, and now that we are really trying again, I feel like I’m failing him; potty training has been hard for everyone. He hasn’t had many accidents anymore, so I know he’s ready. The part that is making me struggle the most is that I get really worried about him holding it too long. He just refuses to do it when I ask him if he needs to go. We’ve tried to do it naked and go outside in the backyard, and he gets excited and proud when he does it, but then a couple of hours go by, and he refuses to try again. He starts asking for his diaper and clothes, so I know he needs to go, but when I try to encourage him, he gets mad. I think I would rather clean accidents than worry all the time about him holding it.
We’ve tried lots of things, but he doesn’t care. When I tell him he’s a big boy and that all the big boys use the potty, he says he’s a little boy. Some books say that around three years old, they can go back to wanting to be a baby, but I think he’s using it as an excuse to not drop the diaper. We’ve offered rewards, and he says he doesn’t want them. Next, I’m going to buy one of those charts where you put stickers when they go, but I’ve a feeling he won’t care about it either. I just thought I wouldn’t have to do any of that.
I know it’s a me problem, I feel like I’m not doing it right. My concern about him holding it makes me do crazy things that I’m not proud of. I’ve tried to MAKE him sit on the toilet by force, and one time that he had been holding it since the morning, I tried to make him to get in the bathtub just so he could go in there, and that backfired so bad that I ended up going back to putting him in a diaper.
We first got the potty when he was around two years old and he really liked to sit there to read and play, but now every time we try to make him sit on it he screams bloody murder and I just can’t get him to tell me why he doesn’t want to sit, sometimes he says he’s scared and I don’t know how I can convince him or work with him through his fear.
How do I help him? I feel like I’m failing him. I wish I knew what he needed from me. How much do I need to push without breaking our relationship? How do I convince him that I’m on his side?. I also really need to work on stopping the comparison with others. Logically, I know everyone is different and that every kid reaches milestones at their own pace, but I can’t help but feel like we are behind and that it’s my fault because I don’t know how to help him. He’s such an easy kid I know it could be worse with a lot of the other things but these are the things that break me. He’s also been very sensitive about everything, and I get it; it’s a very big transition, leaving behind one of the things that has been part of you since you came into the world. I just wish I knew how to get to the other side.
This post is very dramatic and filled with raw feelings of mother guilt, it may be cuz I’m living it right now, but it actually feels harder than the no sleep face, and don’t forget this time there’s poop involved. I also think I’m grieving the end of the baby era, and that has taken a toll on me. I’m sure I’m going to look back and say it wasn’t that bad at the end, but right now I wish motherhood came with a little bit of magic to use in these situations.
