Long Live the Family Date

If you asked me to describe my season of life right now, I would probably use the word chaotic. Free time? What free time? I am in the trenches of parenting young children, so time away from them hardly ever exists. Enter The Family Date.

I have personally been stewing over the “date your spouse” rhetoric for years. And frankly, I think the idea that our marriages can’t last unless we find time alone with each other every week is a dangerous slope to travel down. I went from pregnant to postpartum to parenting an infant who didn’t sleep to parenting a toddler with health concerns in the past 18 months. All the while, my partner worked a job and a half while transitioning positions, and I ran a successful business. And oh yeah, there’s a second, older child that also needed to be taken care of.

While there have been seasons of our life in the past 10 years of marriage where we had extra time for date nights, I would argue that all of us have felt that strain of trying to plan alone time with a spouse in particularly hard and busy seasons. The talk about how important this is to marriage and that your marriage can’t be successful without regularly planned time makes me feel inadequate as a partner. The sentiment that you just have to “prioritize it” doesn’t help. We have each had to prioritize our family in other ways in the past 2 years that have been just as important. I’m sure others feel the same.

Let’s also address the sitter factor. I have family close by who I use frequently and for free. But after asking them to help with various work schedule days and times, an additional night feels like such a reach. Otherwise, we’re talking about added costs to set up a sitter. I know so many people who just don’t have the local support system or trusted sitter to allow them to leave their kids at home regularly.

And before we move on, can we agree that for those who work outside of the home and leave children in daycare for 10+ hours a day, sometimes you want nothing more than to spend every weekend or evening hour with your little people? I feel that strongly, and I know I have friends who are in the same situation. At some points of our lives, there aren’t enough hours in the days or weeks to spend enough time with everyone individually.

Instead, let’s normalize the use of The Family Date in certain seasons of life! My husband and I have a strong connection despite not getting a lot of alone time right now and we are unbreakable as a family unit because our solution has always been The Family Date.

For our family, this looks like either a day, afternoon, or evening that we spend together OR with friends on a double family date. We choose something around nap time schedules, and the trick is that it must be enjoyable for adults and children. There are no sit-down dinners here. We lean into activities that don’t ask a lot of our children, the key to making the date more enjoyable for all. Double family dates with multiple adults or an activity where you can take a step back and chat together while watching children play are ideal.

I know that these days will fly by so fast. Before I know it, my husband and I will be back to regularly scheduled one-on-one date nights while our teenagers spend time with friends. I’m confident our marriage will be successful until then, though, even if we have to get creative with our free time.