I’m looking at myself in the mirror again.
I don’t mean that in a vain way—more like in an “oh yeah, I kind of forgot I’m a human being” way again. I’ve spent the last five years of my life getting lost in motherhood. Being the mother of two small children is a very humbling experience, and sometimes, looking in the mirror is not on the day’s agenda.
Now that my youngest turns two this summer, I am starting to find bits and pieces of myself again. I felt this feeling when my oldest was about 2, but I was pregnant again soon after, and I lost that feeling quickly.
I’m starting to notice again when my gray roots start showing. Before motherhood, I would dye my roots every six to eight weeks without fail. Then — I think at some point I stopped noticing. But I am starting to notice again, and maybe it’s a good thing they are starting to annoy me once more.
I’m finding myself paying attention to new music again. Instead of falling back to old familiar staples, I’ve started exploring new bands and songs and revisiting some things I missed in the last couple of years. Taking a leap out of my (very, very, very) comfortable zone of mostly Taylor Swift songs and 90s top-40 songs has been good for me.
I’m watching television shows again — not just reruns of old favorites and Teen Mom (the only television show currently airing that I have seen every single episode of), but actual good shows that people think are worthy of talking about or awarding. I might even know some of the shows nominated for the Golden Globes next year!
I’m beginning to introduce a true skincare routine for the first time in a long time. The last few years have seen many nights when I thought, “I showered today, I don’t need to do anything special for my face.” A lot of “Who cares what I look like?” Well, it turns out, at 36, maybe it’s me who cares what I look like.
A lot of small things add up to big things. I believe this is true with most things in life, but I am especially feeling it now. I am starting to see myself again—as a woman, a person, a human—and not only a mother.
I’m happy to be introducing myself to myself again.
