Let’s dissect the ever-popular group chat, shall we?
First, the family chat, otherwise known as the OG or the Classic. The family chat is the source of all family gossip, logistical tidbits, memes only those forty and above find funny, some moderately cruel albeit spot-on humor, selfies, and life updates. This OG group could either put you in jail or bail you out. It’s a toss-up.
The spin-off family chat, sometimes defined by gender or age, is used for subgroup content altogether unsuitable or inapplicable to the rest. Note that this chat houses complaints or concerns about other family members or functions to group source solutions to problems that the other subgroups don’t know about… yet. Beware the defectors. Just sayin’… it always gets back to the OG group (above).
The sibling chat? No holds barred. Period.
And then come all the rest, the chats from which I am about to be canceled. You know the chats. The involuntary ones that flood your phone with superfluous interjections, opinions, and non-essentials that suck the life from your skull…Or is that just me? To be clear, I love my people. I love all my people. But, I…just…cannot… with the dozens of text threads inherently made for the dissemination of information now morphed into strands of toxicity, redundancy, and immaterial frivolity. School groups, sports groups, parent groups, playgroups, neighborhood groups – I have had to silence nearly every one. I’m not indifferent; I am protective of my time and emotional bandwidth. I cannot wake to 97 exchanges about the size, color, and texture of the perfect hair bow for the goodie bag (I only wish this were not a true story). I pronounce without a hint of snarkiness that I’m genuinely happy for you if this is your biggest concern. I envy you for having the energy to care. It is kind to seek my input, even if I am included by default. I, too, spent years politely chiming in “hearting” and “thumbs-uping” responses, adding cheerful quips or even an opinion when necessary—no—no more.
It’s partly my fault that I landed in the seventh circle of “Cell.” This family has me playing full-time executive assistant. I’m great with a little streamlined communication. As the default phone parent of our home, that’s expected. It’s my job to keep my phone on at all times, and the important stuff doesn’t always happen during business hours. However, that doesn’t mean the rest of the world has access to me 24/7. I propose that we, as a society of mothers stretched in a dozen directions, agree to a few group chat best practices.
You better SPAM my inbox on my birthday or any other life event in which your solidarity is a source of strength or celebration. This is a group chat-free pass.
Keep your bitterness or unhealthy comments about teachers, coaches, neighbors, (or anybody) to yourself. Your heated or negative opinion may not be a shared one. No one deserves our worst.
Let’s keep the important details in the chat and invite those who want the tangential fluff into separate conversations. I promise I won’t feel left out. If a conversation becomes one-on-one, please switch it to a private chat.
The Teacher Rule: If the information was already posted in a newsletter, email, or post, for the love of all things, read it, save it, and refer to it before asking the chat for information that someone has already made available to you. (Yes, I have a little PTSD from my teaching days)
Every comment is a “ding” on someone’s phone. Be considerate and “heart” or “thumbs-up” rather than sending comments. This also applies to “I don’t know” when the group is asked a question. Your silence will say the same. Keep it simple, sister.
Check the time. Even though some of us do our best work in the wee hours, let’s be courteous of late-night and early-morning texts.
There you have it. IMO, we can check our FOMO, and let the chats rest, ‘Cuz TBH, NGL, YOLO. IFYKYK. TTYL.
