I’m sure many of us can recall a time when we felt embarrassed about our body size. It could have been earlier in life, like myself (think 3rd grade), it could have been during the high school years, college, or even after having children. You look at your body and you think ‘well this looks different from what the media, or my friends, or my family says it should be.’
I’ve been working hard since getting pregnant with my first to rethink how I’d talk about my body and the bodies of my little ones. My girls understand that mom gets on the scale in the mornings to see if she’s helping her body get healthier (I was overweight to the point where it affected my health a year ago), and when they step on the scale, we marvel together at how they’re ‘growing’ versus how much they weigh.
We buy clothes that they would like to wear (versus focusing on ‘boy’ or ‘girl’ labels), and I have always been matter-of-fact when talking about what size they needed as they grew. But I’ll be honest, the first time that I realized my oldest needed a ‘large’ size, I began to panic internally. I’ll run you through my inner monologue:
“How did I let this happen? Why didn’t I realize how big she had gotten? What if someone makes fun of her for having to wear a size L? Will someone in the family mock her like they did me? Will she start to hate her body? How can I help her without making her feel bad?”
But then I stopped and realized something. My oldest didn’t look unhealthy. In fact, we’d just had her check up with the doctor, and I was told she was growing well, and there was nothing to be concerned about. I took a deep breath and reminded myself that clothing companies denote what is a ‘small, medium, large, etc.’ Those same clothing companies are concerned about how many yards of material each item needs and charge based on that. There’s nothing to say that a size large, extra large, or above is ‘bad.’
I swallowed my fear and started putting more items in the cart that I knew would help keep my child comfortable and that she would enjoy. Every time I started to have a moment of panic I reminded myself that this was my issue that I needed to relearn how to deal with. This was not something that I needed to place on my child. There are already going to be so many difficulties in her life, adding concerns about what size clothing she needs to purchase should not be one of them.
While I’m writing this from the perspective of raising a child who was born and identifies as female, I think it’s important that all parents relay this messaging to their child regardless of gender. It may come as a surprise to some that there have been instances of boys having eating disorders or having body dysmorphia because of pressure from others to be a certain size.
I still get a twinge of panic when my oldest runs up telling me she’s found the perfect shirt, but she can’t remember what size she needs to grab, and I tell her, ‘With this brand, the size you’d be most comfortable in is a large.’ She’ll then give me a shout of thanks as she runs off to grab her clothing, not a care in the world. I remind myself that’s what is important—her happiness.
