This morning, my eight-year-old bounded down the stairs, asking, “Do you know what day it is? One month until my birthday!!”
I smiled big and said, “Yes! It’s so exciting!” How I felt on the inside, however, was a very different story.
I’m going to say it: I hate planning birthday parties for my kids. There. My not-so-secret-secret is out.
The expectation for birthday parties has gotten entirely out of control. It’s become another thing added to the ever-growing list of things for the default parent to do. It may be the fact that I grew up with a single mom that has caused this sour attitude toward elaborate parties for small hooligans, and I am willing to acknowledge that. There is likely an entire grouping of moms who take offense to this entire thought process, and for those moms, I say, “I highly respect you.” If you revel in party planning, that is amazing. I have an inkling, though, that there is a sizeable amount of people who would raise their hands and say “amen” to the idea that party planning is for the birds.
I did the whole birthday thing when they were babies. I even went so far as to purchase a Mickey Mouse custom costume that had my son’s name on it and a onesie to go along with his Mickey birthday party and his Mickey cake for his first birthday. My husband freaked. He thought it was ridiculous. He was right. Nothing went as planned. The weather wasn’t as nice as I expected, not everyone showed up, and the disappointment I felt when the party was over and the expensive custom outfit was covered in a slew of black and red icing was the first tip-off to me that maybe I had gone a bit overboard.
In a conversation with my mom, I mentioned that I didn’t really remember any birthday parties I had as a child. Her response made me laugh out loud: “You didn’t have them, and you survived.” With social media and the constant interaction we have now with others, it’s impossible not to feel pressure as a mother in some way. For me, seeing big blowout parties is a trigger. And if you do put together a large party and get all the things and spend all the money, you have to outdo not only others but yourself the following year. It’s a crazy cycle and one I don’t want to feel pressured into.
Since playing “the birthday party game” has been low on my list of things I enjoy doing. I love celebrating my children, and I enjoy having close family over to celebrate them as well. But a huge party with a ton of friends that costs $30 per kid isn’t up my alley. A friend of mine has been stressed out about her son’s party because to invite all she’d like, the cost would go from $200 to well over $300. I know of another child who had a pony dressed as a unicorn for hers- in a sub-division. The pony walked and carried the little girls in beautiful princess garb up and down the sidewalk. I am sure the girl felt so special, but how do you top that? A trip to Cancun? For me, it’s just not feasible or worth all the money spent in the end.
Let’s get back to simpler times. I recently heard of a brilliant idea. A fellow teacher only does friend parties in the “big milestone” years. I wish I had thought of it. The other years, they celebrate in a small get-together with family, and then when it is time to have a big friend party, they get to have a ton of fun. It’s genius. And feasible.
If you are one who can and enjoys throwing major birthday parties for your child, I applaud you. But if you are someone who secretly (or not so secretly) feels the stress, finances, and chaos just aren’t truly worth it, I see you. You aren’t alone. Get yourself a glass of wine, shut off the social media, and sit in the knowledge that it is okay to let go of big birthday parties and give your kids a simpler, memorable birthday instead.
