Hooray! Do I get a sticker? Did I earn an M&M? I am done potty-training!
Or at least my 2 ½-year-old is. I’ve been fully potty-trained myself for approximately 35 years, but it feels like it is my own major accomplishment after (daytime) potty-training my youngest son this fall.
Potty-training is a beast, and not a beautiful one. It is time-consuming, mentally hard on both you and your child, and, needless to say, a little gross at times. But it is a parent’s milestone just as much as your child’s. Once you are done, you feel just as accomplished and grown-up as they probably do.
I’ve been an early childhood teacher since I left college in 2011. In that time, I have spent many hours of my career setting alarms for students to use the bathroom so they don’t have accidents, or supporting families as they get their students out of pull-ups. I used to joke that I was unsure how parents trusted me, a childless 20-something, to help them jump over the end of the potty-training hurdle, but I spent many years in the classroom doing my very best.
When I got ready to potty-train my oldest son, I read all the reviews of all the books and ended up selecting the Oh Crap! Potty Training Method. I read it for the first time about 6 months before I actually potty-trained my son. I ended up using a modified version of it (for example, the author is firmly against rewards, but we definitely used M&Ms for the first few days to help support trying on the potty). But one of the main points of this method that I believe was imperative was to make sure you, as the parent, are 100% on-board- and also to make sure you have enough time to truly commit yourself. I put it on the calendar for the second week of June that year – after I was out for the school year and after we took a long road trip to visit my sister-in-law. It was on my wall calendar for months before the date hit. Once it did, I was mentally prepared myself.
I did the same with my second son. I selected my fall break week in October, stuck it on the calendar, and knew that week was it.
Day two of potty training the second time around, I wondered out loud, “Why did I not take detailed notes the first time? I need a video diary of myself telling myself it’s all going to be OK.”
Of course, each kid is different, but the responsibility and constant mental load I felt as a mother was exactly the same.
Months later, I feel like we are finally done. I feel like we are done because I am not constantly thinking about poop, pee cues, or wet clothes for 95% of my waking hours.
And I continue to say “we” are done because potty training is really a team effort. My husband is a great teammate, and our oldest son was a wonderful toilet coach during this time. Our incredible childcare provider, Ms. Beth, supported us 100% when we were ready for him to start without diapers or pull-ups.
If you are at the beginning stages of potty-training, or thinking about it, or maybe on your fourth or fifth attempt, please know I see you. Give yourself some grace just as much as you give your child. Your mental load is not meant to be focused on butts every second of every day, but it may feel that way for some time.
And remember, at the end, you really do deserve that M&M.
