There’s so much we celebrate and prepare for when we have kids. We read, research, and everyone wants to offer us what they believe to be the best advice when we become new parents. There are endless baby products marketed as essentials for the newborn phase of life. Even as our kids enter their elementary school years, I feel like there’s a stronger village that surrounds us. Something about the teenage years feels different, and I didn’t feel ready to embark on this journey. To be honest, I still don’t. I have so many thoughts and emotions swirling around my head and heart daily.
The awkward middle school age is probably my least favorite stage of parenting. I don’t think you can truly be prepared for all the things that come with parenting a pre-teen/teen. Observing friendship dynamics and listening to all the things my daughter talks about on a daily basis can be overwhelming. One minute things are great, the next minute I’m hearing a story about Susie, and all I know is I hate Susie and want to call Susie’s mom and tell her off for raising a mean girl. Don’t worry, I haven’t done this, even if the temptation is hard to resist. Don’t even get me started with puberty, mood swings, sex talk, consent, identity, and so much more.
Then we enter high school. Course workload, grades, attendance, and appointments – it all matters so much more now. Extracurricular activities. My daughter chose color guard and despite what some may think, it comes with an intense practice and performance schedule. Dating, crushes, love, and heartbreak. Driving. I’m terrified for her. With all the constant construction, impatient and distracted drivers out there, how could I not be scared? Soon, she’ll be planning for what comes after high school. Graduation – there are so many costs to celebrate this milestone. My wallet is screaming as I type this. Will she go to college? Vocational school? Take a gap year? There are so many options as she approaches adulthood.
Then what? Where will she go? When will I see her again? How do I let go of the little girl I’ve raised all these years to let her live her own life out in the world? What does support look like when all I want is to hold her close to me? Will she want to stay close to home? Will she move far away? Will she want to be closer to her dad and spend less time near us? What will sisterhood look like between her and her little sister? Will they miss each other? Will she come home to watch her little sister grow up? Will she attend all the band concerts, competitions, art shows, and other activities her sister decides she’s interested in as she gets older? After all, her little sister has grown up attending all of her concerts and competitions.
What about all the things I need to do as a parent to prepare my teen to know how to do. Manage money, basic cooking skills, how to manage household tasks, how to manage their time, mental and emotional health, and how to take care of a car. The list goes on, and on.
These and so many more questions I don’t feel prepared to confront. But time is cruel thief, and as her junior year of high school is beginning, I’m realizing we are so close to her reaching adulthood. I’m finding it impossible to imagine what our household and family life will look like when we get there.
When I was my daughter’s age, I don’t remember being anxious to leave my hometown and move on from all of my friends. But at the same time, I wanted to be far enough away that I felt like I was going out into the world and could be independent. I remember the day my parents moved me into the dorm. We packed up, drove to Ball State, hauled my things up the 6th floor, made a trip to Walmart, had dinner, and then the moment came…my parents had to leave. I remember my mom crying and hugging me goodbye. I remember thinking it was silly, but I never considered all of the thoughts and emotions running through her head and heart that night. I’m sorry, Mom. I get it now.
There’s a lot to think about and process as we go through this stage of life. It’s not time for my oldest to fly the nest yet, and as much as I’d like to ignore it, it’s coming. Even if I feel like I’m going to mess things up, I’m going to try my best to do right by my kids and prepare them to lead a big, beautiful life and to be kind, generous, helpful, resilient, confident, empathic people. No matter what, I’ll be there to love and support them through all of it.
