Welcome to the “Ber” months. Our calendars are full of activities, and we have little patience or downtime. However, it is also the most exciting time of year; it is cozy, and you spend time with family and friends. However, it is hard to ignore the times we are living in, and while that weighs heavily on everyone, holidays are when we try to reset. It wasn’t until I was recently speaking with a friend one day, and she told me that there are family members she hasn’t spoken with in years, and this year they were having Thanksgiving together. She explained that these particular relatives have strong opinions and they have strong disagreements. The last holiday they spent together ended up with slammed doors and blocked phone numbers. I am not immune to occasional family holiday scuffles. However, once things were said, it was over, and our family started playing card games and dancing, and the next day we met up for leftovers. My friend, however, explained to me that after five years, temperatures had just calmed down enough for them to break bread together for Thanksgiving. I know they are not the only family experiencing this; I have read many opinion pieces about family disagreements lasting months and years. Thanksgiving is about creating new memories, not dredging up old family conflicts.
Things around us are tense, and because of that, we need the sense of community that family provides to sustain us. Although we will not agree on most things right now, there must be a better way to deal with our differences than giving our families perpetual silent treatment. And, as visceral as things can be right now, we are all looking for solidarity somewhere. Therefore, I am posing a challenge to all families around the world (or at least the ones that will read this post), for everyone’s sake, the world is heavy; this year, let us not make our holidays just as heavy. Please see the list of things that we should not address this holiday season.
Politics
This is understood, but even if everyone is playing for the same team, it is inevitable that someone will say something disagreeable. With so many different opinions, politics can quickly turn the dinner table into a battleground. I think it’s best to save that discussion for another time. When you feel the conversation going that way, play the game of facts about the Presidents, Presidential Facts. It will quickly have people engaged in Presidential proclivities.
Marriage/Children
The Thanksgiving table is not the time to share your marriage or parenting expertise; realize that everyone is doing the best they can. Therefore, do not tell another parent, “Well, when my kids were little, they would never, or I would never,” instead go back to the funniest story about your children or a funny anecdote you remember. Holidays can be overstimulating, so advice is not necessary, just empathy.
Religion
Religion can be deeply personal, and people may have different beliefs. Avoiding debates or heavy discussions about religion helps keep things respectful and harmonious.
Body Image/Diet
The holidays are a time to eat, drink, and be merry. Do not spend time commenting on anyone’s body or eating habits, as this can make others feel self-conscious, especially if someone is on a diet or does not want to talk about their body. Focus on the food and the people, not anyone’s size or eating choices.
Divisive Social Issues
While it is important to stay informed about the world around us, Thanksgiving might not be the best time to debate controversial topics like climate change, vaccinations, or other hot-button issues.
At the end of the day, Thanksgiving is meant to be a pause, a moment to breathe amid the noise of everyday life. I hope this season gives you space to enjoy good moments, easy conversations, and whatever togetherness feels right for your family.
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