As we moms know all too well, life is busy, and there never seems to be enough time for everything we need and want to do. One thing I’m trying to be more intentional about is carving out one-on-one time with each of my kids. This seems daunting with three kiddos and a full-time job, but I’ve found it doesn’t need to be elaborate or expensive—it just needs to happen.
My oldest is good at asking for time with me when she needs it. She asks if we can go to a coffee shop or the library; this is our thing. During the school year when she doesn’t get home from school until later and I’m often still working, it can be really challenging to make this happen, especially when lots of our favorite coffee spots close by 5:00. (Side note: If you need a coffee spot that’s open later, check out Groovy Cafe, MOTW, and Yafa Golden Coffee.)
But I’ve learned, it’s less about where we go or what we do and more about that sacred time with just the two of us. In fact, some of our best conversations have happened in the car, just driving around. These are the times when my teenager has opened up the most to me. She has shared the happy and painful parts of her life, and I sometimes feel like I’m having to pry myself in just to catch a tiny glimpse of them. When we are in the car or sitting across from each other, sipping our lattes, she shares her world with me, and I am a captive audience.
My middle kiddo also thrives with one-on-one time. He prefers ice cream over coffee. His favorite is to go to the arcade together, which can definitely be a bit pricey and time-consuming. I’m trying to think of out-of-the-box ways to spend more time with him in a way that is connecting and fun for him (and me as well). As the middle child, he can tend to feel overlooked at times, so I’m trying to be more intentional about initiating our time together instead of waiting for him to ask.
My youngest has only recently started asking for time for just the two of us, and I am here for it. Snuggling is his favorite way to spend time together, so I try to make time for it. As much as I hate to admit it, sometimes it’s a struggle to make it happen. Mornings are typically down to the wire, trying to get everyone ready and out the door for school just in the nick of time, and evenings are filled with cooking, cleaning, baths, and prep for the next day. But I can always carve out a few minutes to snuggle with my little guy. I want him to feel seen, heard, and valued every single day, and this is a simple way I can make that happen. Last night, after we finished his homework, he asked if we could draw and paint together. This little moment meant so much to him—and to me, too.
Just like in a marriage or romantic relationship, it’s so easy to fall into a routine and begin to feel like roommates. The same can be true with our children—it’s easy to fall into the daily routine of getting up and ready for school, rushing out the door, and then coming home to tackle homework, chores, dinner, baths, and repeat it all over again day after day. Even when we have dedicated family time (which is also incredibly important), we can see our kids as just another piece of our family rather than individuals. When I slow down enough to really notice each child for who they are, I’m reminded that what they want most isn’t perfection—it’s presence.
I’ve also found that doing something out of the house helps us connect even more because it forces us to get away from all the visible to-dos like laundry and dishes, and gives us space to just be together. Getting out of our regular environment tends to help us all open up to one another. But if you can’t make that happen, set aside a special time at home to talk over dessert, sit outside together, or go for a walk.
Here are a few of my favorite free or at-home ideas for one-on-one time:
- Park dates
- Picnics
- Dessert at home after everyone is in bed
- Do a puzzle or a game together
- Cook something together
- Go for a drive and stop for a slushie or a little treat
- Go for a walk
