Parenting is a journey filled with countless decisions, each one carrying its weight in significance. Often, I’ve found myself in the midst of debates, choosing sides and defending my choices. Over the years, I’ve discovered the beauty of embracing a “both-and” approach, where I make diverse choices that suit my family’s needs. Today, I’m celebrating the magical thinking in being a “both-and” parent by sharing my experiences and inviting you to do the same. I’ve breastfed and formula-fed, used natural remedies and vaccines, and sent my children to both private and public schools.
Psychology Today describes “both-and” thinking as the concept that multiple things can be true at once, stating that the benefits can relieve anxiety, promote healing, and encourage relationship growth.
Breastfeeding and Formula Feeding: Prioritizing Mama and Baby
The day you announce your pregnancy, you get this question–from colleagues, family members, even strangers–are you breastfeeding or bottle feeding? Breastfeeding and formula feeding are two methods of nourishing a baby, each with its own set of advantages and challenges. As a “both-and” parent, I recognize that the best choice may vary depending on circumstances.
With my first baby, I had a very traumatic birth, resulting in anemia, postpartum depression, and worse. My son was hungry, huge, colic, and generally unwell. Needless to say, my milk production was less than 10/10. I chose to breast and bottle feed. With my second, the birth and milk production were a breeze. However, within the first month, we discovered he was allergic to dairy. I’ve been a lacto-octo vegetarian for over 20 years. With another toddler at home and a full-time job, I was unwilling to give up dairy this time around or fuss with elimination diets for me. With no hesitation or guilt, I moved to formula feeding and never looked back.
The Silver Lining: By embracing both methods, I ensured my children received essential nutrition while also considering the practicalities of life. This approach acknowledges that breastfeeding provides valuable nutrients and bonding experiences, but it also acknowledges the importance of flexibility and ensuring the baby is well-fed even and prioritizes the mother’s mental and physical health.
Natural Remedies and Vaccines: Prioritizing Health and Well-being
The debate between natural remedies and vaccines has never been more polarizing. However, as a “both-and” parent, I’ve come to recognize that each approach has its merits and can work together to promote my children’s health and well-being.
We see a chiropractor, take supplements, grow our own food, diffuse essential oils and take antibiotics, get vaccines, and eat McDonald’s as needed.
The Silver Lining: Combining natural remedies with vaccinations allows me to provide holistic care for my children. Natural remedies and a whole foods diet offer support for minor ailments and overall well-being, while vaccines protect against serious and potentially life-threatening diseases. This balanced approach prioritizes both preventive measures and treatment when needed, giving my children the best of both worlds.
Private and Public Schools: Prioritizing Each Child’s Needs in Real Time
Choosing between private and public schools is a decision influenced by various factors, such as individual needs, values, and financial considerations. As a “both-and” parent, I understand that each educational setting can offer unique advantages.
Years ago, I had my first ever experience with this while working on the institutional advancement team of a local private school. I would meet with so many families in admissions that had more than one child at more than one school. At the time, I couldn’t believe the merits of this or imagine the logistical challenges.
Fast forward to just a few short years later, and I would have more than one child at more than one school. Some private. Some public. And now, they’ve each had the experience of attending both.
The Silver Lining: Sending my children to both private and public schools has provided them with a well-rounded education. Private schools may offer specialized curricula, smaller class sizes, or unique extracurricular opportunities. Public schools, on the other hand, can introduce children to diverse experiences and help them build strong social skills. By embracing both settings, I’ve been able to tailor my children’s education to their specific needs and aspirations.
Being a “both-and” parent isn’t about sitting on the fence or avoiding making choices—it’s about recognizing that life is nuanced, and what works best for one family may not work for another. It’s about appreciating the value of diversity in parenting choices and allowing those choices to evolve with time and circumstances. In a world that often pushes us to pick a side, it’s a reminder that there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting, and that’s perfectly okay.
Being a “both-and” parent is a testament to the richness of parenting experiences. It allows me to be flexible and give myself and others the grace they deserve. In the end, it’s not about choosing one path or the other; it’s about celebrating the journey, wherever it may lead.
