One of my favorite things since learning I was pregnant with my first baby was thinking about all the fun I would have dressing them. I have loved clothes since I was a kid, and the idea of curating cute outfits for someone else was my dream come true. This approach worked well for me for several years as I paraded my son around in all sorts of seasonally appropriate outfits I’d carefully chosen. In my completely unbiased opinion, he looked adorable!
Fast forward a few years, and my secondborn began having some opinions. It started small — he preferred certain colors or had an affinity for a specific truck shirt. But for the most part, I could still convince (aka bribe) him to wear the red corduroys with the striped sweater, and all was well in the world. This worked until it didn’t, and his opinions were no longer small. He wanted to wear pants every day, regardless of the temperature, with the exception of his red, white, and blue basketball shorts, which he proudly paired with a camo hoodie. As we had another baby, and I began to lose the energy to fight the battles, he started dressing himself for preschool, arriving in outfits I would have never let see the light of day a few years prior.
While this may seem insignificant for some, I’m embarrassed to admit how much I care about my kids looking somewhat put together. This can be challenging to balance when the kids dress themselves. It has taken great effort for me to release control and allow my kids to discover what they like when it comes to their clothes. I’ve found it incredibly helpful to think about my own mom and the freedom she allowed me to choose my outfits each day. I recall several occasions when I spent time carefully pairing the oversized dolphin t-shirt with the black denim skirt, walking downstairs feeling like a million bucks. I can only imagine what my mom thought, but she never made a peep. She recognized that I felt confident in my choices, and that mattered more.
I would imagine I’m part of a large group of moms who strive to allow their kids to express themselves in ways that feel true to them, in all aspects of their lives, even if those ways make us uncomfortable. I desperately desire for them to feel confident in their own skin, to believe that their opinions, passions, and idiosyncrasies are not only welcomed but needed in this world. This is all so easy to write in theory, but the way it plays out in our actual lives isn’t always a cakewalk. Our kids have a beautiful way of finding the things that we are perhaps clinging to the most tightly, whether small or large, and demanding that we release the chains. My oldest would still happily let me pick out his clothes every day, but I am so grateful for my middle, who forced me to open my eyes and my hands and allow him to dress in ways that made him feel a great sense of pride in who he is.
My youngest is three, and the wardrobe opinions are increasing by the minute. I’m given the opportunity each morning to either allow her the independence to choose or to control it myself. I’ll be honest, some days I still choose control, but we’re all a work in progress, I suppose. And I realize I am when it comes to when the kids dress themselves. I’ll know I’ve really made it when she shows up to school in her beloved Halloween t-shirt for picture day. In the meantime, I treasure the opportunity to parent three very different kids, whose opinions, preferences, and questions simultaneously thrill, delight, and scare me — what a ride!
