I have been thinking about this trip for months. Our 10-year wedding anniversary is coming up, and somewhere between picking a destination, looking at hotels, talking about what we want to do, and getting way too excited about eating at restaurants we don’t have to take our kids to, I realized something: I am really, really excited to go on an adults-only vacation.
Like, really excited.
What do you mean I don’t have to pack snacks?! No car seats, either?! You mean no one will be asking me to get them something right as I just sat down?? No bedtime routine… No waking up at 6:30 because someone had a bad dream… No arguing about what we’re having for dinner. Just me and my husband, somewhere far away, with nowhere we absolutely have to be.
And then, almost immediately after getting excited about all of that, I remembered something else.
Mom guilt enters the chat:
Wait – I’ve never left my kids for this long. Not even close.
Sure, we’ve done overnight trips (once…). We’ve had family watch them for a quick date night. (like, 6 months ago?) But a full week? And we’re going to be sooo far away.
Which, if I’m being completely honest, has made me a little more than anxious. Because there’s this weird thing that happens when you become a mom. You can spend an entire day counting down the MINUTES until bedtime, dreaming about having time for yourself, and then the second you actually get that time, you miss them. You can desperately want a break with every ounce of your being, and still feel guilty for taking one. You can be completely exhausted and yet still wonder if they’re okay when you’re not there.
I’ve already had a few moments where I’ve thought, What if something happens and I’m halfway around the world? Or, what if they need me? Or the classic mom thought: What if they have the best time without me and don’t even miss me?
(Which is absolutely ridiculous, because obviously I want them to have the best time. But motherhood is wack like that.)
We’re planning this trip to celebrate ten years of marriage, but I think it’s also going to remind us of something that is really easy to forget once you have kids: before we were Mom and Dad, we were just us.
We were two young and silly people who decided to build a life together. And then came the kids…and the diapers, the school schedules, the activities, the illnesses, the endless laundry, and the million little decisions that come with raising tiny humans. (You get it…) Somewhere in all of that, it’s really easy for your relationship to become another thing on the to-do list, or the dreaded “roommate” situation.
Did you make the appointment? Did you pay the bill? Did you pack the lunch? Did you remember that thing for school? Did you take the trash out? And eventually you realize you’ve spent an entire week communicating almost exclusively about logistics.
That’s not necessarily a bad thing; it’s just life! But I don’t want us to get so caught up in being good parents that we forget to be good partners, too.
So we’re going. Pack the bags and call Grandma and Grandpa! Adios!
We’re going to celebrate ten years. TEN YEARS of being married to our best friend. We’re going to sleep in. We’re going to eat meals that take longer than 12 minutes. We’re going to sit somewhere pretty and probably talk about our kids anyway. We’re going to explore somewhere new. We’re going to have uninterrupted conversations. And, honestly, we’re probably going to look at each other at some point and say, “I miss those little nut cases.”
Because that’s the thing about a parents-only vacation. It’s not really about escaping your kids; it’s about remembering who you are outside of them. And I think that’s really important.
Our kids don’t need us to be with them every second of every day to know that they’re loved. They need parents who are happy, healthy, connected, and still building a life together. I also think it’s really important to let our kids see that Mom and Dad have a relationship that matters, too. That marriage doesn’t just become background noise once you have children. That it’s okay to prioritize each other. That sometimes Mom and Dad go somewhere without them and have an amazing time (sorry, not sorry!), and then we come home and are so happy to see them. Because I know I will miss them.
I’m sure there will be a moment on this trip when I see something funny and instinctively reach for my phone to send it to the grandparents to show them. I’m sure I’ll wonder what they’re doing every minute of the day. I’m sure I’ll FaceTime them. I’m sure I’ll count down the days until I get to hug them again, but I’m also going to enjoy myself. And maybe that’s the part I’ve had to give myself permission to do.
I’m allowed to be excited. I’m allowed to miss them and still have fun. I’m allowed to feel guilty for five minutes and then order another cocktail. I’m allowed to sleep until whenever I want. I’m allowed to be ME for a week instead of Mom.
And when we come home, I’ll get to be Mom again. I’ll get the hugs and the stories and the mess and the noise and all the beautiful chaos that I know I’ll miss while we’re gone.
Ten years ago, we stood in front of our families and friends and vowed to choose each other. Then we built a family. And now, ten years later, we’re choosing each other again.
Not because our kids are too much or because we need a break from them, but because we’re worth investing in, too.
And maybe that’s the best reason of all to take the parents-only vacation.
