An open letter for my three younger sisters: Kaitlyn, Malia, and Mia, in honor of National Sisters’ Day.
To my sisters,
Kaitlyn and Malia, I would like to start by apologizing. With our rather grim childhood, I am genuinely sorry for any heartbreak I added to either of your lives. Just know I can’t think about our childhood without feeling immense regret and guilt for how harsh I was to you two at times, especially when we had minimal parental support; I should have always had your backs. I hope you both have forgiven me and know how much I love you both.
Kaitlyn, words cannot begin to convey how grateful I am for where our relationship is today. You were the first to make me a “big sister.” The first to make me an Aunt, and I love your little girl with about the same intensity as I love my boys. I would do practically anything for the four of you. I can go to you with anything, and you are always in my corner, even if you don’t understand or fully support my decisions (which you will always call me out on). I love your authenticity and the woman you have become. You’re bold. You make your presence known with little care or regard to what others may think of you, an attribute I am quite jealous of. You’re full of compassion and a liveliness that is contagious. I hope you always know your worth and never let anyone dim your light.
I also want you to know how much of an incredible mom I think you are. We haven’t talked about it, but if you’re anything like me, you probably worry to some extent that you’ll end up like our mom. With that off chance, I would like to assure you that you are the furthest thing from her. Your little girl will never have to question her value or whether her parents love her. You give her your all, and that’s all that can be expected. Motherhood is trialing and has its ups and downs, but seeing the way she looks at you and Devin, brings my heart so much joy. She is so loved by so many, you both are; never forget that.
Malia, I wish we talked more and that being around my rather obnoxious, crying children didn’t torture you as much as it does (I also hope you don’t kill me for including you in this post). I miss you. I love making jokes with you and just laughing about the past. I love seeing you when you do interact with the boys; even though I can clearly see how uncomfortable it makes, you try, and sometimes we all need to be taken a little bit out of our comfort zones. It’s hard to fathom how you are now eighteen, going on nineteen. Sometimes it’s hard for me to envision you as a young adult and not the five-year-old little girl who would get off the bus and split a Totino’s pizza with me while we watched Pinky Dinky Doo. I can’t recall many pleasant memories from my childhood, but the ones I can always involve you and Kaitlyn. From playing Webkinz and Animal Jam together for hours on end to making up crazy bedtime stories for you and Kaitlyn, those are memories I will always cherish.
By society’s standards, you’re an adult now. Society expects us to know exactly what we want to do for the remainder of our lives by the time we turn eighteen, but it’s okay if you don’t (most people don’t). It’s okay and completely normal to have some uncertainties about the future. It’s okay to enjoy your youth and focus on what you want to do, regardless of what others may think. I will support you through all of your endeavors. I know you’re rather introverted, and I am rather busy, so we don’t talk as much as I would like, but I think about you often. I hope you know I’m always here for you, and I can’t imagine my life without you.
Mia, more than anything, I wish I had met you before I was eighteen. I wish I had the opportunity of getting to know you your whole life instead of having an entire side of my family kept away from me. Sometimes I miss the days before I had children, just because I was still a child at heart. I can vividly remember the first time I met you and Anthony at that park in 2015 and being amazed at all the similarities between the three of us. I remember all the times we played outside Grandma’s house in the “enchanted forest,” our trip to Florida and Kelley’s Island when you guys came to my high school graduation. Your mom took us to the Cheesecake Factory to celebrate, and the countless times I was at your mom’s house, we would watch TV or play with Blue. I know we don’t talk a lot, and I haven’t put the most effort into our relationship over the years, but I will always fondly look back on those memories.
It’s hard to believe that I met you at eighteen, and now you’re the eighteen-year-old blossoming into adulthood. But I love it. I love hearing about your achievements, seeing pictures of your artwork, and watching your individuality come out more and more; I absolutely adore the short, pink hair and the nose piercing. I can’t wait to watch you flourish and see where life takes you. I hope we can work on rekindling our relationship and grow closer to one another over time (maybe we can have a sparkling grape juice and canvas night).
Overall, I hope that the three of you know I care for you deeply. Regardless of how often we talk, or how close we are, if you ever needed me, I would be there for you at the drop of a dime. I am not the best at expressing my emotions, especially in person (thank you social anxiety), but I hope that this open letter has given you all some inclination of how I view you and how much you mean to me.
You big sister