“Maybe you should wax your mustache,” I remember rolling my eyes at this incredibly moronic comment made at my appearance by an internet troll hiding behind a fake profile picture. I usually ignore comments like these, but this was just another instance of individuals not understanding hyperpigmentation. I took a deep breath and replied.
“Unfortunately for you, it’s not a mustache. My skin darkened above my lip during pregnancy. I’ve grown, birthed, and am raising two amazing children. I have no problem with my appearance changing as it does not bother me, nor does it lower my self-confidence.”
I’m certain the user never saw my response, that like the true troll they were, they moved on to the next insult, believing themselves to be so cool because they had zingers. But I didn’t really post that response for them. I posted it for the other individuals whose bodies have changed due to the marvel of childbearing.
Not everyone has the same pregnancy symptoms, so there is a chance you weren’t affected by hyperpigmentation. It is a common skin condition where patches of skin become darker than the surrounding areas. The body produces excess melanin, the pigment responsible for skin, hair, and eye color. It can affect anyone regardless of age, skin type, or skin color.
When hyperpigmentation is induced due to pregnancy, it is referred to as melasma or ‘the mask of pregnancy.’ It can affect 50% to 70% of pregnant individuals. The estrogen and progesterone increase stimulates melanocytes, the skin cells that produce melanin. Melasma presents as symmetric, blotchy, hyperpigmented patches on the cheeks, upper lip, chin, or forehead. Another common type of pregnancy-related hyperpigmentation is the darkening of the linea nigra, the line running from the belly button to the lower abdomen.
Generally speaking, hyperpigmentation can begin to fade on its own after delivery as the body’s hormones return to pre-pregnancy status, but it can sometimes persist. I’m one of the lucky ones whose hyperpigmentation appeared on my upper lip and then decided to stick around even after delivery.
Funnily enough, I hadn’t noticed the change to my face until a family member asked if I had burned myself waxing. I remember feeling incredibly confused. I was learning to balance the needs of a newborn and an active toddler, so my appearance wasn’t high on the priority list. I took a moment to look in the mirror the next time both were down for a nap.
I could understand why the family member asked about my upper lip. It definitely was darker than the rest of my face. I hadn’t noticed it before because I wasn’t spending much time outside, so the hyperpigmentation blended a little better with the rest of my face. However, it can be exacerbated with sun exposure, and at that time, we had been spending mornings and evenings outside with our water tables and backyard playset. I had never been the type of person to spend much thought or energy on facial creams or makeup. I generally just put sunblock on and went along with my day.
I was so embarrassed and slightly disgusted with my appearance for a while. All I could think about was how others would perceive me. What must they think about me? I spent a lot of money on finding the right kind of makeup to conceal the darker skin. I made an appointment to see a dermatologist who made me feel so small and stupid for being concerned about something that was ‘my fault’ for becoming pregnant. As you can imagine, I never went back to see that jerk. I tried a variety of beauty products that were supposed to get rid of the discoloration.
Then the pandemic happened. I was spending so much time and effort stressing about keeping my family safe, worrying about family who lived hours away, and trying to balance keeping my girls entertained while also trying to work a full-time job. Honestly, at that point, I could have cared less what my face looked like, especially when others were dealing with true hardships like job loss, family members coming down with COVID-19, etc.
As we started to come out of the lockdowns and our little family moved from one state to another, I realized that my hyperpigmentation was insignificant in comparison to so many other things in my life. This isn’t to say that I’d judge or look down on someone who wants to correct their own hyperpigmentation. I’ve just come to a realization that this was not something I was going to be angry at my body for. I was done spending time and energy trying to ‘fix’ the ‘problem.’ It also helps that I have an amazing husband who has told me time and again that he finds me so beautiful regardless of how my body has changed since pregnancy and birth.
I threw away all of the products that promised to help me with my darker upper lip and instead focused on items that focused on simply hydrating my skin and keeping it safe in the sun. I stopped wondering if everyone was staring at my upper lip when meeting me for the first time, and I smiled without trying to hide it behind my hand.
I’ve learned that everyone has their own quirks and insecurities about their body, but I work hard to remind myself that we should treat everyone with kindness. It’s not our place to ask questions like ‘Why is your skin darker here?’ or ‘Have you seen a dermatologist for your acne scars?’ (These are legitimate questions I’ve heard people ask others.) Instead, we should not judge. We should speak only with kindness and love. If advice is requested, then offer it without passing judgment.
