Somewhere along the way, I have come to internalize that if my kids are sad, upset, or disappointed, it is somehow my fault. Hurt feelings? My fault. An outcome I had no control over? Definitely my fault. Minor inconveniences that spur tears? Que the mom guilt.
Now that my kids are 8 and 6, I’m starting to see more clearly the pattern of me spending too much energy trying to control their outcomes. I don’t want (or need) perfection, but I desperately want to protect them from this big world with its many ups and downs. When I can’t do that, that is where the guilt creeps in. I desperately want to spare them disappointment, sadness, and feelings of inadequacy that come from falling short.
This year, I’m committed to stopping my own negative thought spiral and trying to release myself of some of my deep-rooted mom guilt. In that, I’m learning disappointment isn’t a sign of bad parenting. It’s just part of being a human being.
My kids are learning to be human, and with that comes a wide range of emotions, including frustration, sadness, and disappointment when things don’t turn out the way you hoped. My kids are allowed to feel sad when things break their hearts because it means their hearts are tender and loving. My kids are allowed to be frustrated when their hard work does not equal instant success. It means they will learn perseverance. They are allowed to figure out that sometimes they will have to be the hardest-working person in the room, and that things still won’t go according to their expectations. My role is to give them the tools they need to handle the big stuff and the safety net to fail. I need to realize that my job isn’t to guarantee a happy ending every single time, but instead to support, guide, and love them through the hard stuff.
There is a current TikTok trend that discusses what we are leaving in 2025 and what we are taking into 2026. So here’s mine. I’m leaving the guilt of trying to control the outcomes in 2025, and I’m taking the fact that I can be a loving, present, deeply invested mom without being the carrier of the emotional baggage for every disappointment into 2026. I can sit beside them in the hard moments, offer a hug, and then let the lesson be theirs. Raising resilient kids doesn’t require me to carry the emotional load. It just requires a mom who is willing to step back, take a breath, and trust that her kids are capable, even when things don’t go as planned.
