As an elementary resource teacher, I reference the term “growth mindset” daily. Encouraging my students to embrace challenges and persevere through difficulties is a major component of our social-emotional learning. I often have to channel my inner calm and demonstrate self-control and grit so that my behavior can serve as an example for my learners. So why is it that when it comes to working with my own children, modeling resilience seems harder?
Emotional Investment
Being so deeply invested in my children’s well-being makes it difficult to maintain objectivity. Last month, my eight-year-old was reassigned to a lower level in club soccer. Was it an appropriate move? Probably, but after a year of hard work, it sure felt like a blow. While I intended to support my child through her disappointment and confusion, I got caught up in my own bias and let my emotions take over. My reaction wasn’t my best, and now I’m playing catch-up, trying to show my daughter how to approach the change as a challenge instead of a setback.
Parental Expectations and Fear of Failure
As a recovering perfectionist, I have high expectations for my children. Sometimes, I worry that their failures will be viewed as a reflection of my parenting. So, when things don’t go as planned, it leads to frustration, hindering my ability to model resilience. Watching my children get a poor grade is like a punch to the gut. The letdown takes over, and I sometimes forget to react with compassion and empathy. It’s a challenging hole to crawl out of, but mending the relationship and forging ahead with perseverance is necessary when instilling grit.
Impatience
Maintaining composure is hard, especially when it feels personal. Take, for instance, shoe tying. My first grader is stubbornly resistant. He’s quick to give up and has little interest in mastering the skill, even though most of his friends are independent shoe tyers. This slow rate of improvement sometimes sends me to my breaking point. Practicing emotional regulation is key to getting over the hurdle of impatience.
Modeling resilience is hard work, especially at home. It’s messy and takes extra amounts of awareness and self-control. But I hope my example can help encourage my children’s sense of strength and adaptability.
