I consider myself lucky to have had a built-in best friend for life in my mom. I was born in 1988, the youngest child of our family and only girl, and my mom and I had an instant bond. That bond only grew stronger when we unexpectedly lost my dad in 2002 to a heart attack. My twin brothers were in college at the time and out of the house, and my mom and I leaned on each other to cope with our grief and learned the new normal for our family together.
My mom was my go-to person for venting, asking questions about life and love, and my biggest cheerleader when it came to school and work. I called her nearly every day, both while I was in college and when I graduated and moved away, just to tell her about my day and hear about hers. I knew from a very young age that what I wanted more than anything in life was to be a mom and to share the love that she gave me with my own children. My sons were born in 2019 and 2022, and I am grateful that my mom was able to see me become a mom and help me through their newborn phases, sharing wisdom, love, and encouragement.
My mom was diagnosed with chronic lung disease in 2003, which worsened abruptly after my youngest son was born in 2022. My mom subsequently had a double lung transplant in March of 2023, a gift my family will forever be grateful for, as it gave us back a healthy mom who was able to keep up with her grandchildren and be more present in their lives than ever before. Unfortunately, my mom passed away unexpectedly after a brief illness from a rare complication of transplant on December 3rd, 2024, on my oldest son’s 5th birthday. I will never forget that day, and am grateful that my husband and I were able to still celebrate my son that evening, despite feeling a hole so large in our hearts it felt difficult to carry on.
My world has been forever changed both because of my mom’s life and because of her death, and carrying on as a mother without my mom has been both beautiful and heartbreaking. My boys will always remember their Gigi, who was so present in their lives and always made sure to show them how loved they were by her. I am a better mom because I had her in my life, and am choosing to work through my grief by being the mom to my boys that she was to me. My boys often talk about their Gigi in ways that take my breath away, including when they remember gifts she gave them and moments she spent with them, or when they see red flowers and say we should get them for her because that was her favorite color.
Every day, I find myself wanting to call, text, or FaceTime my mom to tell her the latest funny thing the boys said or did, or to share their school accomplishments and how smart they are.
My heart breaks to not be able to share the rest of my motherhood journey with her, and while at times it feels unfair to have lost both of my parents so early in my life, I know that my mom and dad have the best seat in the house to watch their grandchildren grow up, and that my boys will forever have the best guardian angels watching over them.
