If you follow me on social media, you’ve probably noticed I only post pictures of the back of my daughter’s head or occasionally a photo with a sticker covering her face. That’s because, before she was born, my husband and I decided we would not post pictures of our child online.
Before getting into the reasons behind this decision, I want to make clear I’m absolutely not judging anyone who does post pictures of their kids. In fact, I’m sometimes jealous. I love seeing photos of and hearing stories about other people’s children, and I often find myself wanting to join in the conversation with pictures of my own. Also, I know many of my friends use their social media as virtual scrapbooks where they can revisit funny moments and good memories as their children grow. These are all very, very valid reasons, so please don’t take anything I say as a critique of your choices.
But for us, the decision not to post pictures of our daughter on social media came down to two main issues: privacy and safety.
Privacy – Letting Her Define Her Online Self
Despite disappearing messages and the ability to delete accounts, you should always assume anything you post online will live forever. In fact, once you post a picture on a social media platform, you automatically grant that platform a license to use the picture and related data however it wants, those viral copy and paste declarations otherwise be damned. For me and my husband, permanently shaping our daughter’s online presence before she can fully participate in the discussion made us uncomfortable. It’s like we’re telling the world who she is before she has a chance to decide for herself. Granted, we make decisions every day as parents that will impact our children’s future without the benefit of clairvoyance. However, nixing photos on social media and protecting our daughter’s privacy online for as long as possible seemed like an easy win with little downsides.
Safety – Small Steps of Protection
Listen, we are not conspiracy theorists by any means. But whether it’s baby role play, stalking, or identity fraud, the world of online scams and data harvesting is scary. These types of dangers – especially with increased access to and abilities of AI – will only get worse as hackers and others become more sophisticated. Keeping our daughter’s face and identifying information off of social media helps us protect her from identity theft, digital kidnapping, and worse. I admit that sometimes this can feel a little silly and an overreaction, especially for someone who shares a lot of herself online. But the old adage of better safe than sorry certainly comes into play here.
What Does the (Facebook) Future Hold?
When you stop to think about how much social media has completely transformed society, it’s mind-blowing. In less than a generation, the world welcomed Facebook (2004), Instagram (2010), Snapchat (2011), and TikTok (2016), not to mention the new attempts to capture our attention online that pop up seemingly every day. While there are no doubt positive aspects to social media, we’ve all seen and experienced the personal and political downsides. Who knows how it will continue to grow and be used in the future?
So will this be our stance forever? I don’t know. We’ll certainly have to revisit this conversation as she grows older, as we balance the need for social connection with her peers with the risks of an online presence. Tech and social media aren’t going anywhere, and it’s our job as parents to help her have healthy boundaries around them. But I know it won’t be a decision we take lightly, especially as study after study proves the negative impacts of social media on teen girls’ mental health and self-confidence. (Also, my recent reading of Careless People: A Cautionary Tale of Power, Greed, and Lost Idealism by Sarah Wynn-Williams, a former Facebook employee turned whistleblower, has made me even more anti-Facebook. I’m convinced now more than ever that Mark Zuckerberg will never elevate Meta users’ privacy or the world’s safety over making another dollar to add to his Scrooge McDuck pile of money.)
For right now, we’ll continue to say no to putting our daughter’s picture on social media and likely hold out as long as possible on her being online. Sure, it can be sad when someone says, “I’ve never seen a picture of your child’s face!” or frustrating on the few occasions where we’ve had tough conversations with family members who posted a picture of her to Facebook. And, yes, our stance may evolve over time. But I hope our daughter will one day appreciate our attempt to allow her to grow up in a private and safe off-line world, giving her the ability to create her own digital identity when (and if) she is ready.
Also, if you’re looking for an alternative, secure photo sharing option, our family and friends have loved the Family Album app!
