I’ve always been a planner. But when it came to family and having kids, my planning never worked. My husband and I had talked about having three children, but it was never set in stone. Our second child, Lola, had just turned one so there was no rush to add a third child just yet.
Fast forward a couple months, to my team planning day at work. When you work with four other females your monthly “schedules” seem to sync up and it was this particular meeting, after two of my teammates asked me for a tampon, when I thought to myself, “I think I’m late.” But I had just finished exclusively pumping for Lola for about a year and my period had recently come back after a glorious 20-month hiatus, so I figured my body was probably still adjusting. I was sure of it. So sure of it that I grabbed a pregnancy test at Target that evening…
SURPRISE! Baby #3 was on its way.
My mind went numb as I tried to process what was going on. It was NEVER this easy for us. It took me almost a year to get pregnant with our first, Cohen, and with Lola we had to succumb to the ovulation kits. But this baby was a complete and utter surprise. Now, don’t give me a song and dance about how babies are made. I know. I get it. But the fact that it had been somewhat difficult in the past foolishly made us believe that it would certainly be difficult again.
The pregnancy was a long 40 weeks (and 1 day). I endured horrible morning sickness for 14 weeks and then insomnia accompanied by restless leg syndrome for the duration of the pregnancy. But it wasn’t the pregnancy symptoms that weighed heavy on my mind those many months, it was the idea and worry of how I was going to love another baby as much as I loved my first two. I know, that sounds crazy–what mother doesn’t love their baby? Of course I was going to love her, but I was afraid of how I was going to divide my time and love among, not just two, but three. I was worried that Lola would be angry and feel like I robbed her of her glory years as the baby of the family. I was afraid Cohen would feel left out and upset because now he now had to share his life with TWO younger siblings. Were we really ready for this?
The evening before I was induced, I put both kids to bed and fought back tears. This was the last time we’d be doing this as a family of four. The last time my sweet Lola Girl would be the baby of our family and my Coco Bear would be big brother to just one. I tossed and turned all night long. The anxiety from my impending labor lingered in the back of my mind and my heart was still filled with uncertainty. Was my family (and I) ready for this?
Kurtis and I got to the hospital bright and early at 6am, filled out the paperwork and then headed up to my labor and delivery room. The sweet night nurses asked if I could wait until the next shift to start my pitocin because there were three other inductions happening at the same time. I happily agreed, rolled over, and took a brief nap until my nurse came in a little after 7 to get the party started. Pitocin was started and my doctor broke my water at 7:45. I didn’t feel any contractions until about 8:15, when my nurse came in and said the anesthesiologist had a c-section to do, but would be in around 9:30 to get my epidural started. At the time I was completely fine with that scenario. But at 8:45 the contractions kept getting longer and stronger. By 9:00 I told Kurtis to get the nurse because I couldn’t wait any longer. At 9:15 I was dying. Seriously, I thought I was dying. All I remember was the nurse running to get the doctor and the anesthesiologist because I was yelling in pain. Think typical woman-in-labor movie scenario–that was me. I was screaming, the doctors were running, the nurse was asking me if I wanted to push, and my husband, who had turned white as a ghost, had to sit down before he passed out. And low and behold, Miss Remy Elizabeth made her dramatic debut at 10:12 am on October 13th. It no longer mattered if we were ready, because she was here in my arms.
I remember one of my favorite doctors telling me that when you have another baby, your heart just doubles in size. He’s right. Only now with three I’d have to say my heart has tripled in size without any problem and quickly made room for our sweet Remy. But the best surprise of all is that we were so ready for her–no question about it. She fit perfectly into our family, like a missing piece of a puzzle, and any worries I had were quickly forgotten when I laid eyes on this beautiful little girl. And while I may not be able to give each one of my kids my undivided attention at all times, our lives have been and will be enriched in so many other ways and there is so much love to go around that it hardly seems to matter. My mind is at ease and my heart is so full.
Welcome our Sweet Remy. We are so excited you are finally here.