My daughter will need so much from me as she grows up, but what she does not need is perfection. It is so easy to be consumed with always making sure we are perfect for our children, the perfect role model and example of how to be a successful member of society. But I try to remind myself every day of what she really needs from me. She needs me to build her confidence to help her conquer the mountains ahead and still stand strong.
She does not need me to have a perfect body.
- She needs me to be healthy and present. She needs me to appreciate and love my body through everything. Making sure I model healthy habits to take care of my body, to hopefully continue to join in with her for adventures. Teaching her that all bodies are beautiful. Most importantly be able to give her hugs and comfort when needed.
She does not need me to create a perfectly curated home.
- She needs a safe place to learn and grow, where she can feel comfortable learning who she is as an independent person, where she has the opportunity to purely experience the joy of being a child, and where she can contribute to the success of our home through teamwork as a family.
She does not need me to have the perfect job.
- She needs me to be able to provide for her, be available if something comes up, and be present when we are together.
She does not need me to make the perfect gourmet meal.
- She needs me to provide a balance of choices. Where she feels empowered to make decisions about what to provide her body to fuel it. A dessert will not ruin you.
She does not need me to know everything.
- She needs me to be honest and open with her. She needs to see that no one knows all the answers to everything. Being open to learning and growing is important. Part of life is not knowing the answer to everything, but instead craving to seek it out and grow.
She does not need to see me smile every moment.
- She needs to see that it is okay to have a range of emotions and how to handle the highs and lows of life. There will be times when she wants to cry tears of sorrow and heartache or scream with anger and frustration. But those days and times can be short-lived, especially if she is equipped with the tools to move through those times with grace and knows that those feelings are all valid and healthy.
She does not need me to be rich with money.
- She needs to see me rich with life, love, balance, and meaning. It is important to see an example of doing good for others, for the sake of doing good, not just for reward, by giving back and supporting the community. To see me flush with friendships and interests outside of home, and being her mom. The power of female friendships throughout life can be so nourishing and fulfilling. While those are extremely important parts of what makes me who I am, they are only a part of me. So that she feels reminded to find many ways to make her life rich with meaning.
She does not need me to tell her that everything in life will be perfect and easy, or to make it that way.
- She needs me to show her how to face adversity, stand up for what is right, make hard decisions, and trust her instincts. Most importantly, I need to equip her with the skills to persevere when times are tough and an appreciation for when times are easy and joyful.
She does not need me to just tell her she is pretty.
- She needs to know she is beautiful inside and out, no matter what, as long as her true personality shines through. To also acknowledge all her other wonderful personality traits, like how funny she is, caring for those around her, her creativity for storytelling, her problem-solving skills, and quick wit. That I am always proud of who she is and has become, but even more, so I hope she is always proud of herself. I want to always continue to help build her self-esteem in meaningful and lasting ways.
She does not need me to just be married to her dad.
- She needs to see a healthy relationship built on trust, communication, and love. One that one day will hopefully help her model healthy behaviors with her future partners. One in which she knows how she should be treated and never accepts anything less than what she is worth.
What she needs most, and I hope she always remembers she has, is my unconditional love. She has had that before today, before she could talk and walk, before she opened her eyes, before the first sonogram. She has always had it and always will.
