I am the forgotten friend.
Even just writing it out brings me to tears.
I have felt this way for a while, but it’s been hard to fully admit it to myself. I am the forgotten friend.
Throughout elementary and middle school, I had solid friendships. Despite the fluctuating hormones, growth spurts, and general youngster awkwardness, I was fairly sure of myself and had the greatest of experiences until my 14th year of age. Once high school came about, my friendship confidence took a turn. I became less confident and much more wavering in who I aligned friendships with. I would have a great friend who then would change to accommodate a boy. Then, I would change to accommodate a boy. Then, a girl who I thought was my friend would completely stab me in the back. Or a friend would move on to a “better” friend. All in all, I was left in the dust.
Through those rough teenage years, I still maintained friendships from my younger years, but we had definitely grown apart. As I entered college, I cultivated friendships that I was sure would last a lifetime: navigating young adulthood together, starting careers together, being bridesmaids for each other. Then college ended. Careers really ramped up, and babies came. Those college friendships fizzled. I made some friends at work or other mom friends, but nothing really stuck.
But I tried. And continue to try.
Oh, how I’ve tried to be the best friend. Even though I was (am) busy living life in the fast mom/wife lane, I was and am invested. Consistently reaching out. And not just the typical, “We should get together!” I was the “I’m free on these dates… how about you? Let’s get something on the books!” friend. The “Thinking about you and checking in! How can I pray for you?” friend. The “Can I bring you dinner?” friend.
But my investment has never really been reciprocated. A friend rarely reaches out to me in the same way, with truly sincere devotion. And I’m not even one that needs a girls’ night every week to stay sane. I’d be fine with the “I’m thinking about you!” text every once in a while that I’ve sent so many times.
But I am the forgotten friend.
Maybe I’m just not best-friend material. Maybe I’m just the friend version of the side chick. My friendships remind me so much of the opening monologue of “The Holiday” when Kate Winslet’s character reviews the various types of love. Friendships fade or are lost. Most of mine must be the unrequited kind.
I know people change and grow apart and not every person that comes into your life stays for life. But when I see guys and gals with their core group of friends consistently making memories I do feel an emptiness inside. This is not to say that I don’t have meaningful relationships in my life, I do 100%! I have people that I can count on through thick and thin, sickness and health, joys and sorrows. I just wish I wasn’t left behind by those I make a priority.
Will I discontinue my efforts in the friendships I have? Absolutely not! No matter how forgotten or second-rate I feel, I will always hold so much love in my heart for the ones I’ve called friends throughout the years. I will always make an effort to show them just how much I care, even if that effort is not always mutual.
