My 8-year-old has entered a new phase of childhood, and if I’m being honest, I’m not sure I’m ready for it.
The playdates have started.
Not the kind where I chat with the other mom in the driveway while the boys run through the backyard. The real ones. The drop-him-off-and-drive-away kind.
I know this is normal. Healthy, even. Kids are supposed to gain independence, and moms are supposed to let them. But every time my son excitedly tells me about a friend who invited him over, I find myself mentally running through a checklist. Who lives there? Will an adult be home? Do they have pets?
And then there’s the question that still makes me take a deep breath before asking:
Are there guns in the house?
A few years ago, I never would have imagined asking another parent that question. Not because I didn’t care about the answer, but because it felt awkward. I don’t like feeling nosy. I don’t like worrying that another parent might think I’m judging them. I don’t like wondering if I’ve made things weird before the playdate has even started.
But motherhood has a funny way of forcing us to choose between comfort and courage. Most of the time, courage wins.
The first time I asked, I spent far longer drafting the text than any reasonable person should. I rewrote it, softened it, and worried about it. Then I finally hit send.
The response was completely normal.
No offense taken. No awkward discussion. Just an answer from one parent to another.
It made me realize that the conversation I’d built up in my head was much scarier than the actual conversation.
Maybe that’s because parents ask safety questions all the time. We ask about allergies. We ask about swimming pools. We ask if an older sibling will be home.
And if we’re being honest, this also feels like one of those distinctly mom jobs.
Somewhere between scheduling dentist appointments, remembering spirit days, and buying birthday gifts for kids we barely know, many of us become the designated askers of awkward questions. They are the questions no one really wants to ask, but someone has to.
This is one of them.
One of the things I appreciate about Moms Demand Action’s Be SMART program is its encouragement for parents to ask about unsecured firearms in homes where their children spend time. The goal isn’t to shame anyone. It’s to normalize conversations that help keep kids safe and encourage responsible firearm storage. [momsdemandaction.org], [besmartforkids.org]
And honestly, “normalize” is the word that sticks with me.
Because right now, these conversations still feel unusual. They still feel uncomfortable. But maybe that’s exactly why we need to have them.
The truth is, we’re only at the beginning of this journey. My son is 8. We’re not navigating sleepovers yet. He isn’t spending entire weekends away from home. We’re just dipping our toe into the world of playdates.
And maybe that’s why I want to start now.
I want asking safety questions to become second nature before the stakes get bigger. I want my son to see that it’s okay to advocate for safety, even when it feels uncomfortable. Most of all, I want him to know that love sometimes looks like doing hard things.
Even sending a text you’d rather not send.
So, here’s my challenge to fellow moms: Before your child’s next playdate, ask one more safety question.
Not because you’re judging another family. Not because you’re expecting a particular answer. But because that’s what parents do. We gather information, assess risks, and make the best decisions we can with the information we have.
If you’re nervous, you’re not alone. I still get nervous too.
But I’ve decided I’d rather experience thirty seconds of discomfort than spend hours wishing I’d asked.
And maybe that’s how we normalize it. One slightly uncomfortable mom-to-mom conversation at a time.
