We have all heard about the need to occasionally “unplug” and recharge our own batteries, and how distancing ourselves at times from our devices can prove to be healthy. Yet, we undoubtedly live in such a technologically-driven society, that unplugging can seem quite impossible at times. We live in a time when sometimes you pass people on the street and long for a friendly smile, or a polite acknowledgment of some kind. But many times individuals quickly pass you without notice as they are texting, scrolling or talking on their phones. Even more concerning is family time at home that can be compromised due to this overload of technology. These societal and familial shifts of interaction amidst changing times are what prompted author Tommy Short to write The Call I Almost Missed, which outlines his 365 days without cell phone use. The author shares what he discovered by sidelining his cell phone for an entire year. It’s about how his relationship with his family, friends and colleagues ultimately changed, but also how he gained valuable insight into how our lives could benefit from understanding the art of unplugging.
I loved this book for many reasons; it encouraged me to reflect on my years with my son in all stages of motherhood. Especially now that he is a teenager, I miss those days, but I believe I was a present parent and feel lucky I did not miss out. I am grateful, not regretful. When he looked up from playing, I wanted him to see me, and not my face buried in my phone. I really tried unplugging my phone and other projects when it came down to the quality time I had with him. It is not always easy and I feel it has grown even harder than ever. But with intentionality, it can be done.
The book was a gentle reminder to keep striving to maintain balance with our family time, social time, work life, device use and more.
What prompted the author of The Call I Almost Missed to unplug from his phone for a year was when his young daughters asked him while she was playing, “Daddy, why are you always on your phone?” The author was suddenly jolted; he realized all his daughter was seeing was that perhaps his phone was more important than her and her sister as they played (even though that was not the case). He took her question as an invitation to reflect. Short reminds us that precious time and moments can disappear as we grow more concerned about our to-do lists, our “tomorrow” mentality or our “Maybe when I have more time” rationalization. Yet, we are never guaranteed another day. And we do not necessarily know when something will be the “last time” we get to enjoy it. Short encourages us to consider if we are alive, or just awake? Are we present, or just near? Are we building and nourishing a life, or just performing day in and day out?
The call Short almost missed was being a present father and individual, and here are the big takeaways he offers in his insightful piece that was written in a series of letters to his daughters:
-
Things That Don’t Matter, Don’t Matter
Short provides a powerful example of what can happen when we break free from things that do not matter; we should not be married to endless phone notifications or feel we should be at the beck and call of anyone trying to reach us. When you take a step back and evaluate your relationship with work and technology vs. your presence with loved ones, energy levels, level of self-care, ability to discern daily beauty vs. daily tasks, it can be a game-changer for your quality of life. “We were never meant to be machines,” he wrote, citing that exhaustion is not a badge of honor. We are allowed to be here, and we are allowed to stop running nonstop. Life is not supposed to be a blur of events.
2. Faith and Family Should Come First
Priorities matter, and paying attention to where your time, energy and attention goes is so critical. Faith, family, love and nature are always worth our time, energy and attention. As we age, we realize time is a priceless commodity we should not overlook; the moments we share, the memories we create, the bonds we nurture – they deserve our focus. Short offers that he only wants to have an opinion on his faith, his family and his life’s work; “everything else is noise dressed up as relevance.” He remade himself by removing his phone for a year and embracing being comfortable being uncomfortable with all the thoughts, feelings and realizations that ensued being cell-phone free. He released the need to create an identity via the phone, and instead, released the performance in exchange for presence. Not everything is urgent, and although the world will try to make us impatient, we can resist that urge and instead pause, reflect and redirect.
3. Stop Hating Silence
Short suggests that individuals are bored being bored. We do not just despise silence, but we have lost the art of how to sit inside it. Due to technology, boredom has transformed into a fire alarm; it used to be a doorway. We have trained ourselves to fill up every second and moment to the point where we abhor silence. Whereas we should view silence as a pathway to contemplating questions we are afraid to answer, tending to unhealed places that may exist and nurturing the creativity that is craving and raging to be brought to the surface. He cautions us not to panic when silence arrives, and to not just reach for our devices.
4. Is Presence the New Rebellion?
One of the most striking parts of Short’s book to me was his chapter questioning whether presence is the new rebellion. He suggests that constant use and attention to technology is a national epidemic, and we are all infected. You cannot always hear it, yet you can watch it unfold in real time all around us. Eyes are positioned downward in phones, attention is diverted to devices, people are almost captivated like zombies, not always noticing those around them. Yet, this is not how it was supposed to be? When we meet a friend for lunch, are they truly with us, or waiting on another phone alert? Short writes, “Every time we choose our phone over the person in front of us, we’re making a small withdrawal from the bank of real connection.” He even offers that phones have become the “adult pacifier,” and that when we are bored, we check our phones, when we are tired, we reach for our phone, when we are feeling lonely, we pick up the phone… Pacifiers saved the day for babies, and now are we resorting to our phone as adults to cope with life?
Ultimately, Short illuminates that in a world of people reveling in their phones and technology, the boldest move you can make is to show up and be there. Expect being looked at differently, perhaps, but know that is more than ok.
5. Let Gratefulness Shine
Short urges readers to remember that you do not ever have to wait for “big” things to be grateful when it comes to life and your loved ones. You can be thankful for the walks at the park, for baking cookies, for basic moments that turn out to be not so basic after all. Be grateful for time and each other. And the more present you are to truly experience these moments, the better they become etched in your heart and mind.
Overall, Short advises that you do not necessarily need to go an entire year without using your cell phone, but perhaps you remember this message from time to time. Your worth is not measured by how fast you respond to calls, texts or e-mails. You no longer need to obey a god small enough to fit in the palm of your hand. You can overcome the societal tendency to prioritize phones and devices. You can be capable of so much more.
