It’s inevitable that we all make mistakes in our jobs, relationships, friendships, daily tasks, etc. Sometimes the errors are trivial, such as locking our keys in our car (oopsie), leaving the garage door open (it’s always totally worth looking back at least three times to make sure, right? lol), buying everything at the grocery store except the one item you needed or forgetting an appointment. We can quickly laugh at ourselves and move on. Other times, the mistakes carry heavier baggage and a bigger mess to clean up: misunderstandings, arguments, overreacting, the blame game, etc. And in these situations, may the power of a genuine apology never be underestimated. “I’m sorry” contains the power to make or break any situation; it can blow things up if done incorrectly…or ideally impact people positively and keep things moving forward into a state of healing and eventually resolution.
Asking for forgiveness stands out as an integral part of any relationship, whether personal, in the workplace, or in other circumstances. Why is it important for someone to provide a genuine apology if they hurt someone or impacted someone negatively at any point? Besides inherently being the right thing to do and aligning with being a good human, it can benefit all parties and hopefully salvage the relationship, whether it be a spouse, partner, friend, relative, co-worker, etc. It can really bother someone indefinitely and hinder any reconciliation or resolution process if they feel slighted, discarded, or disclaimed.
Communication is SO important. Not every apology is a good apology; I think we’ve all probably been there when someone simply texts or says, “Sorry,” or “My mistake,” or the worst case, “I’m sorry, but you made me do/say that because…” The inability to offer a genuine apology can truly cause damage and potentially build an irreparable wall with others.
So, what does a good apology really look like? Overall, a good apology involves reflection, understanding, responsibility, and the true intention to do better.
Being sincere.
When the person at fault is genuinely sorry and expresses such with a sincere explanation, it can open up the door for forgiveness. Part of being sincere also involves actively listening to the person hurt and not being defensive.
Reflection has taken place.
When individuals reflect on their actions, they can better understand where they may have messed up, how deep the damage is, and what they could have perhaps done differently. That reflection is key for hopefully preventing the same mistake in the future.
Responsibility is taken.
When the person who erred genuinely owns their mistake and takes responsibility for words and actions, they create a better pathway for peace.
No excuses or half-hearted apologies.
When the person in the wrong sincerely says “I’m sorry” without excuses, contingencies, or dismissing the other person, magic can happen! No “But,” “If you didn’t do this,” or “My bad.” Good eye contact is also important.
Empathy exists.
Part of a good apology is when the person who made a mistake is empathetic and endearing; reassurance is provided to the other party, and they intend never to repeat the same mistake. How we say what we say also matters; our tone can significantly alleviate a situation instead of exacerbating it.
Does saying “I’m sorry” always fix things? Not always. We can’t take back things we said or did or control how others view or feel about us. Individuals always remember how you make them feel; an apology does not always fully restore things. Yet, if done sincerely, it can hopefully provide closure or a means to move forward without lingering “what ifs” or regrets of not taking that important step. Ultimately, forgiving someone and moving on, with or without their apology, also speaks volumes. There can be great reciprocity in forgiveness.
As we age, we realize it’s not things or material possessions that take precedence; it’s the quality of life. It’s who we choose to keep in our circle. It’s how we choose to spend our time. It’s how we choose to find and embrace joy, never knowing fully what the future has in store for us. It sounds morbid to say we never know how much time we have left on this planet, but it is so true. I feel it’s best to say what we mean, do what we say we will do, and maximize the quality time (and diminish the drama, hard feelings, or toxic things in our lives). “I’m sorry” truly has the power to heal, restore, move forward, and improve the quality of life!