I am getting ready to have my citizenship interview, and I’m both excited and terrified. I have been waiting a long time, and I can’t believe it’s finally coming to an end.
I’ve enjoyed learning US history while studying for the civics test. A lot of the things I thought I knew now make more sense. A lot of the movies have taken on a new meaning in my head, and I even want to watch Hamilton again with more knowledge of the time period it portrays. I’ve been studying with my hubby and using podcasts and YouTube videos that organize the questions into logical groups that help with remembering the answers.
When I first submitted my application, the website said I would receive my interview invitation in about four months. I even thought it might be sooner because when I got my green card, the process was fast and uneventful. But this time the process has taken more than twice as long, and given the political environment, I have been very eager to receive the interview notification.
During all my time living in the US, I’ve never felt so targeted for being an alien. I know, in theory, I shouldn’t feel that way since I have all my documents in order, but I’m still scared of being detained. Now I carry my passport, green card, and copies of my immigration documents everywhere. I get nervous when I see a police car behind me in the street or when I hear about ICE agents in Indianapolis. I had to stop reading the news because my anxiety levels were taking a toll on me.
I’ve also been thinking about how I feel about becoming American, and the answer is complicated. I think it is the next logical step for me. My husband and my kid are American; we live in America and don’t plan to move away anytime soon. There are so many good things about getting my citizenship, like being able to vote and have a voice in the things that affect my family and me. I’m really grateful to this country for welcoming me and giving me a job, and for later allowing me to stay to raise my family. Particularly, Indianapolis is a great place to live. I feel very fortunate to be able to walk around my neighborhood without feeling insecure. I love the resources we have, like public libraries, parks and playgrounds, and the kid-friendly places like the children’s museum and the zoo. I really like that the public education is good, and I appreciate that the people here in Indy have always been kind to my family and me.
At the same time, other things make me feel conflicted. I wish the gun laws and the health care system were different, that this country supported the systems in charge of taking care of children and families more, and that there was less discrimination and more equality in general, to name a few. I know I’m not alone in these feelings, but I’m eager to voice my concerns and support the various associations fighting for these causes.
So, even though there are many things I wish were different, I’m excited to become a citizen of this beautiful country I call home.
