Having Kids Has (Temporarily) Made Me a Bad Friend


I’ve been compelled to write something like this for a while. I feel like it is something that is often unspoken but needs to be said out loud. So as summer comes to an end, I wanted to reflect on some thoughts that have been swirling around in my mind.

To my friends: I am sorry that I have been a horrible friend for the past two years. I don’t want to sit here and make excuses, but honestly, I am in the most chaotic season of my life thus far and am still trying to juggle motherhood and working full time, along with maintaining a healthy marriage and remembering to eat a few times a day.  

Before I had kids, I was always the one to coordinate get-togethers, plan fun outings, orchestrate day trips to go canoeing, hiking, or festival hopping.  Some of you may have even called me the “fun friend.” But in late 2017, when our son was born, my social life came to a screeching halt. I was up to my ears in diapers and bottles, spending every waking minute thinking about my new little human and my friends, unfortunately, got moved to the back burner. Or maybe off the stove altogether.  

But I promise you, that was never my intention, and it was most definitely NOT on purpose. You see, with two babies under two, my life is a complete hurricane almost all of the time. Someone always needs something, getting two kids in and out of the car is like running a marathon, and most outings take more time to prepare for than the time actually spent doing the activity. I am tired, and my tank is almost always on empty. That usually means that something has to give, and in my case, I feel like I have become “that friend.” You know, the one who drops everything for her kids and whose life rotates around them.  

So while I have been absent physically from some social events as of late, I can absolutely tell you that you cross my mind regularly. When I think of you, I try to text just to say hello and catch up, even if that doesn’t end in a meet up in the near future. I used to pride myself on being a great friend, one who was always there as a confidante, a shoulder to cry on and that friend who would spontaneously jump on any wild idea thrown out there. But for now, I just need you to know that while I may not be there in person, I am ALWAYS there in spirit and don’t stop inviting me to things. I know it’s annoying when you ask me to do things, and my answer is always “let me check the schedule”, which then turns into “I’m just too tired to get everyone loaded up and ready to go” or “my hubs is busy, and that leaves me flying solo so I can’t”.  Whatever excuse or reason I give you, believe me, I would love to join. So keep asking, and one of these days, when my life isn’t quite so chaotic, I will reappear right back where we left off.  

Love, Me (your not-so-long lost friend who had kids but still loves you dearly)