Love. Two years post-separation and a year after my divorce, if there was one word to sum up how I’m feeling now, that word would be love. And it’s not just because I’m writing this on a girl’s weekend in Fort Lauderdale, sitting in a poolside chair with the beach breeze on my face. It’s because, while I’ve experienced the lowest of lows these past couple of years, pure happiness and love for my life were on the other side of life after the divorce.
Love after divorce because there is a really big light at the end of the tunnel—a really bright rainbow at the storm’s end. Divorce isn’t the end. It’s just the beginning. I’ve fallen more in love with my life and even myself through all of this.
I have a ton of love for my family, who stuck by me through all of it. Family has always been an important part of my life, and I truly see how lucky I am to have an amazing family in the hard times.
I’ve fallen head over heels for my friends. The friends who were there for all of the ups and downs these past couple of years. The friends who stuck by me when other people in my life decided divorce was a reason to end a friendship. My friends, these women, I cannot imagine my life without, and I can’t help but think it wouldn’t have looked this way without my divorce.
Life after divorce, I have immense love for my children, who have been through so much but continue to be the brightest sunshine in my life. I have them half the time, which breaks my heart, but on the days I have them, my heart is full of so much joy and love for these two little boys that my previous marriage gave me. Now, do they still make me want to pull my hair out? Absolutely.
I have so much love for my ex-husband (yes, you read that right). He handled the divorce with so much love for me and grace. Who I still have a great relationship with and a man I can’t imagine my life without. I love our relationship post-divorce that we can still spend holidays together with the kids, go to breweries for a beer, and even spend time with the five of us- me, my ex-husband, my boyfriend, and the kids. Pretty great, right?
That boyfriend, I just casually threw in that last sentence. Finding love for a man that I wasn’t expecting, honestly didn’t even want (and he knows that). I never expected divorce, and I never expected to fall in love with a man 10 years younger than me right after my divorce. Life is weird. A man who was everything I knew I ever wanted but didn’t know was out there. A man that brings so much love and joy to my life. A man who wholeheartedly loves and accepts me for the carnival my life can be sometimes.
Lastly, I’ve fallen more in love with myself. I always knew I could get through hard things because, again, the carnival of my life has been a hot mess at times, but divorce was a new level of hard. Yes, there were times I was curled up in a ball, thinking there was no way I would get through this. But the woman on the other side of that pain (oh hey, that’s me) is one who I can genuinely say I adore. The new version of myself is confident, authentic, fun, a great mom, and a person I truly love.
Yes, divorce can be a scary word, but if any of you are going through that right now or do in the future, I say congratulations! It’s scary and sad and hard, but the love I hope you get to feel on the other side is a beautiful thing, and my god, do you deserve that.