A Daddyless Father’s Day


While most of you are selecting the perfect card or figuring out what the heck to get the dads in your life, I’m over here still trying to figure out how to do Father’s Day. It’s widow problems at its finest. 

When the first Father’s Day without my husband rolled around four years ago, I flat out wanted to ignore the day. It was just another reminder that he was gone. I  couldn’t even find peace at Target during the weeks leading up to the holiday and made an entirely different route (we all have one, right?) to avoid the Father’s Day cards. It was too much of a gut punch. 

Here I am a few years out from that darker place, and I’m still conflicted on how to celebrate the holiday. Do I still celebrate my husband? Do I make Father’s Day just about my dad? Do I give a shout out to all the awesome dads I know that help make my life easier? Or do I ignore it because it still really effing hurts?

Decisions, decisions…

Each of these options feels like it negates the others, and I don’t want that because, at this point, all of these men deserve a shout out. I want to honor my husband because, without him, there would be no Emme. My dad deserves to be celebrated because he’s my dad, helpful AF, and the main father figure in her life. And then there are the other guys like Derek, Chris, Jaime, and Jason that are doing the most for their families, but also make time to be there for me when I need a man around (bless you all). 

If it was up to me, I think I’d just go about my day as usual. Coffee and a book in bed until noon and then move outside to read with a cocktail. But, life does not revolve around me.

Despite my secret desire to just ignore it altogether, we forge on like the little badasses we are. We go out for burgers, and I drink an IPA in his honor. We also like to take flowers out to his memorial at the CVS Distribution Center (he was a District Manager for CVS Caremark) and sit by his tree for a little bit. It’s our own little place for him away from his grave. 

Then there’s my good ol’ dad. For someone who has stepped up to the plate such as he has, I worry that my somber mood makes his day a little less special. He’s done so much for me, and my girl and I am forever grateful for him and realize it’s unfair that I’m not super daughter on his day. I try my best to show appreciation to him on Father’s Day, but on a hard day such as this, grief sucks the energy right out of me. 

Finally, there are those dads that deserve a growler of the finest craft beer on their doorstep for helping me. Whether or not it’s Jason being Emme’s Special Person at school, Derek doing whatever task for me because he’s my handyman, or Kevin coming over during quarantine to get the woodpecker out of my chimney, these guys are all great dads that help me out, and I’m beyond grateful for them.

So in an effort to take something off my plate, this is an appreciation post for all the dads in my life that make living so much easier. Thank you, from the bottom of my little, black heart, for going above and beyond the call of duty. I may not be able to hug you all or drop off booze, but I love and appreciate you all. 

Dad, thanks for being the best Faja a girl could ask for and the best Papa to Emme.

And Big Daddy, thank you forever for forever holding a place in your girl’s heart as the best dad she’s ever known.