“How in the h*ll am I going to mother four children? ME!!” This was the question that gnawed at me while I was pregnant with my fourth child. I know myself and I would never be the one to say, “Yeah! give me four little people.” This job takes alllll of me. And to be honest, I don’t like that part.
It seems that I am always struggling to find that balance of giving and reserving what’s for me, for me. Just before our toddler’s second birthday, I felt like I was finally getting to that point. Then WHAM, a positive pregnancy test. MJ was indeed a surprise to me, but she has been a blessing on many levels. Nearly thirteen years of parenting and I still struggle with “mom guilt” over doing what I need to do for me.
I needed a mommy retreat pronto!
For many months, I expressed how I would love to have a night away in a hotel to just be. Be in the quiet. Be still. Be silent. Be alone. Be with my thoughts. Be in the bathroom ALONE. Be asleep! It is one of those things we do as humans. Wishing for something and never giving ourselves permission or budgeting to actually answer the desire. Thank God for a loving husband who listens and wants me to have what I need.
A few weeks back, he texted me and told me to pump milk and pack a bag. I was confused until he sent me a screen shot of a hotel confirmation. He called me shortly after to inform me that he was sending me away for the night. I thanked him for surprising me and not giving me the chance to talk him out of it. Because I would have. Mommy Retreat 2017 was on!
I arrived at the hotel around 7. The gentleman at the desk informed me that they were able to upgrade my room to a suite. Y’all! I kept my cool when I thanked him, but I was jumping out of my skin with excitement. I didn’t want to scare him with my freaky level of mommy happiness.
The room was perfect! It came complete with a private balcony. I spent at least two hours looking out of all the windows, taking pictures and standing on the balcony. My hubby broke my trance when he called to be sure I settled in ok. I immediately got a little panicky and asked how he was doing with the little people and how they were doing without me. SMH. He reassured me and my eldest told me that “mom guilt wasn’t allowed”. I felt released. It was something about that support that took the pressure off.
I spent the night letting the television provide background noise while I took a LONG shower and painted my nails with the polish my nine year old daughter picked out for me. I ordered food and ate it with both hands. Because that’s a luxury when you have small
children. I read without interruption and I SLEPT!! Y’all, I slept sooooo good. Having the bed to myself without my hub’s snores, toddler knee in my back and a baby nursing multiple time through the night helped me to see the beauty in all of those things.
I stayed in that bed until I had just enough time to shower and check out on time. I walked out into the sunshine and returned to motherhood with a calm mind and a renewed spirit. I made a promise to myself to take a Mommy Retreat once each year. Bigger and better from here. Because I deserve it and so do you.
What are a few things you do to come back to motherhood refreshed?