I Didn’t Really Want to Be a Girl Mom


girlIt wasn’t very long after I announced my second pregnancy that the infamous question began to roll in. Was I hoping it was a boy or a girl? A healthy baby had been my answer, of course, but if I were honest with everyone at that moment, something I had been thinking about was that I didn’t really want to be a girl mom.

I already have a son and all the hand-me-downs. I’ve been through the potty training woes, and I know every Marvel character that ever existed. It seemed easier just to continue my journey as a boy mom, and I realized there was probably a part of my personal identity that had grown as a boy mom over the past five years.

The ultrasound tech was confident, though. The baby that will be joining our family in just a few short months now…is a girl. Much to big brother’s delight. It truly felt like we found out we were pregnant all over again as I drove directly to Target to begin selecting pieces for her new wardrobe. I gazed at the aisles of outfit choices, hobbies, and interests that she might have that might be different from her big brother’s. This was going to be a whole new adventure.

It wasn’t until the next day, when I was at the gym, that my brain caught up. The excitement had worn off, and panic had begun to set in as I stared at my reflection in the mirror, tears forming. How will I do this? How do I raise a girl? I don’t know how I will even begin to explain the challenges that women in this world face. I know this is all years and years down the road. The weight of the responsibility sits heavier on my mind for some reason than when I was pregnant with my son.

How will I guide her through it all, I wonder, when I myself feel downright hopeless some days about what it looks like to be a woman right now? Even worse, what will it be like down the road when she’s older? The truth, I realize, is that I’m scared for her. And maybe selfishly, I wanted to remain being a boy mom so that I didn’t have to navigate all the fear and uncertainty that comes with being a girl mom. So that I wouldn’t have to relive middle school and high school as a girl. So that I wouldn’t have to answer questions that I don’t have the answers to.

My thoughts have been racing all morning, but my reflection stares back at me, unwavering. The person in the mirror is strong, both physically and mentally. I know her, I realize. She is confident and undaunted, and instantly I know that despite the uncertainty I feel right now, I can do this. I was made to do this. I have to be able to do this. I will lead by example the same way I have done with my son

I see now that I’m meant to be a girl mom. I’m here to raise a strong woman who will fight for herself and for others so that maybe, one day, when she’s a mom to her own little girl, she won’t have to worry about the things that I worry about for her.

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Miranda is a first time mom to 1-year-old Avett. She works full time as a social worker and admits that this professional work influences her parenting style and blog content greatly! Especially because her husband is a social worker as well. Miranda and her family live on the near south side of Indianapolis in the fixer upper they have recently gutted and renovated. Miranda was born and raised, for the most part, in Indianapolis. In her free time you can find her with her family trying a new Indy brewery or restaurant, or showing Avett one of the many great things about Indianapolis as a city! Miranda also enjoys yoga, hiking, traveling, swimming, writing, and sharing every experience with her family.