I’m a SAHM, but I set my own working hours. Let me explain before you say that’s impossible and stop reading.
I reached a place of severe burnout recently. I was going all day long. From the moment my feet hit the floor in the morning to the moment my eyes closed at night, I felt like I was moving constantly. On top of that, my toddler was waking up at night. My husband started a new, demanding job, and I carried most of the responsibilities at home. Pregnant with my third, I reached a point of sheer exhaustion. One evening, my husband was in bed reading as he often does before going to sleep. I stared at him and felt resentment rising in my chest.
“How can he relax like that?” I thought to myself. “Did he not notice that the downstairs was a mess when we headed upstairs and I stayed downstairs to pick it up?”
To be clear, my husband helps me a lot. He works hard at his job, comes home, and goes straight into helping the family. At that moment, a thought struck me: ” What if I did the same thing? What if I stopped working at 9 pm?”
The thought took me aback. “Is it even possible?” I asked myself.
The next day, I woke up and did something I love to do. I planned out my day. This time, I decided to do things differently. I planned to be done working by 9 pm.
I wrote out my day in blocks of time: 6:30 am- get ready. 8:30 am- drop off Violet to school. My day was accounted for in hours. I added in an hour of rest time in the afternoon as I normally feel the afternoon slump. Could this even work? I asked.
That evening, I finished tidying up and went upstairs to sleep at 9 pm. I didn’t know if this schedule would work, but I was hopeful. I’ve been following this schedule for two months now. I’m happy to report that it’s been working for my family and I.
Are there nights when my toddler won’t settle down, and I’m late with him? Absolutely. Does my kindergartener still wake up cold or thirsty, and I’m up at night because of that? Absolutely. There are nights I work past 9 pm, but the majority of the time, I’m done with the major tasks of the day by 9 pm. It’s important to point out that I cut out several things in order to free up more time; one example is cooking; I stopped cooking as often. Most of our food is easy meals from Costco or dump-and-go crockpot meals.
Below is the schedule I wrote down, which is displayed on our refrigerator. Disclaimer: I am NOT an expert in time management, and I haven’t written books about personal development. I’m just a pregnant mom of three with a dog and a cat who’s trying to keep her sanity.
Daily Rhythm
6:30 am wake up. Read Bible. Plan day.
7:30 am to 9 am wake up kids. Drop off kindergartner to school.
9 am to 11 am “Power hours.” Start dishes, laundry, clean litter box. Run essential errands.
12 pm kindergartner comes home (half-day kindergarten).
12 pm lunch
1 pm toddler down for nap. Afternoon schoolwork and reading practice with kindergartner.
2–3 pm kindergartner can watch one show or play in her room. Relaxation time for me.
3 pm toddler up from nap. Kids play outside or get ready for evening activities.
5 pm-7 pm dinner prep and clean up
7:30-8:30 bedtime
9 pm Derek and Laura stop working and start to wind down for bed
10-10:30 lights out
Having a schedule like this helps me stay on task for one thing. During the morning power hours, my most productive time of day, I know I need to eliminate distractions and get as much done as possible. Secondly, it’s helped me to have a hard stop in my day. I’m known to work until way past 10 pm, but having that 9 pm cutoff has really helped keep me from burnout. My husband was onto something when he set a time to stop work.
It used to be that I couldn’t go to bed unless the downstairs was perfectly clean. There couldn’t be a pile of things left, not even on the stairs. On my way to bed, I would stop at the stairs, pick up the pile, and bring the items upstairs, placing each one where it belonged. It’s taken time, but I’ve gotten used to leaving a few items on the stairs or dishes in the sink. During my time in the hospital as a nurse, it was a similar situation. The work was never truly ‘done,’ even after a 12-hour shift. A task was always left to do, usually something minor that could wait until the next day. Every nurse knows that when the clock turns to 7:30 pm, your replacement comes in, you hand off and leave the hospital to go home.
It’s a constant cycle: being a mom. Life. It’s freeing to be able to say, “I’m off duty.”
