Dear Car Seat Company Who Shall Not Be Named,
Don’t you do this for a living? Don’t you exist solely to make products for babies and toddlers? Haven’t you figured out by now that they poop themselves on the regular?! Why would you make a car seat that has 23 pieces!? Let me tell you about the poop explosion that my toddler just had all over every single one of those pieces…
This is the hate mail that I start inside my head as I attempt to wrestle my son’s car seat from our car and realize the extent of what has just happened on our way home. Luckily this happened on our WAY HOME! Poop is everywhere I begin to notice as I attempt to take the thing apart piece by piece. And when I say everywhere, I mean, literally, EVERYWHERE. It’s on the buckles, the seat, the cup holders, the headrest?! How does poop get on the headrest?! I try as hard as I can to keep the hand to poop contact minimal, but it’s impossible. Forget it, I think, as I try to brush hair out my face and end up smearing poop across my forehead. I move to plan B.
Let me paint you a picture. Suburban neighborhood, the sun is setting, my neighbor is out enjoying her evening stroll. Then there’s me, surrounded by pieces of a car seat strewn about our driveway. I smile and wave at my neighbor while I blast the car seat cover parts with our hose. Poop and water spray everywhere. Nothing to see here Shirley! Keep walking!
Ah, how naïve I was as an expecting mom, shopping for a car seat and reading review after review. Little did I know the one truly important feature that you should consider.
To my fellow expecting moms and first-time moms: Learn from my mistakes. Who cares what color the car seat is!? Who cares what bells and whistles it has? It doesn’t matter if it has 2 cup holders or 6. Let me drop some knowledge on you really fast. The only things you need that car seat to do is 1) Keep your child safe and 2) Come apart in ONE easy to clean piece because it is only a matter of time before your child poops all over the entire thing and you’re left with a yard full of poop covered car seat pieces to sort through and wash.
My son’s particular atrocity weights about 60 pounds itself and comes apart in 23 lovely pieces. Looking back I should have paid more attention to these stats because you know what’s worse than digging through poop to take the car seat apart? Figuring out how to put the whole darn thing back together again!
A first-time mom who now knows better and only had to watch four Youtube videos to put that car seat back together again.