I recently started attending MomCo meetings, which unite mothers in the community with small children. It gives moms time to communicate, grow, and connect in a kid-free atmosphere a couple of times a month. During our first meeting, a video was played referencing The Road to Character by David Brooks. To be honest, the clip captured my attention more than anything has in months, so I promptly purchased the book.
The excerpt mentioned his narrative that we live in a culture today that values resume virtues over eulogy virtues. Resume virtues are skill sets you have that you bring to the job market, achievements and accolades. The stuff that makes you look good on paper, hence the word resume, or earns you promotions and overall wealth. Eulogy virtues are words that loved ones will say about you at your funeral. Things like: were you kind, loyal, honest, and faithful? Did you have strong, intimate relationships? What effort did you put into those meaningful relationships? Where did you invest your time? Deep down, we all know eulogy virtues are more significant than resume virtues, but it’s no secret that our educational and workforce systems spend more time teaching strategies for career and economic development than making sure we know how to show up for the ones we love and foster good relationships.
I’ll be honest, I’m only halfway through The Road to Character. With two toddlers at home, I just hope to finish it sooner rather than later. In a world that is bombarding moms about achieving success (I’m talking to you, social media), it’s been nice to read a book that focuses on why it’s important to develop one’s character. It’s been captivating to read about Brook’s idea that although there does need to be some sort of balance between virtues, the habits of society today reflect more and more weight is carried by the resume virtues. During his studies, he notes that 35% of those over the age of 45 are chronically lonely. He references that, at the peak of his career, his wife had left him, his kids were off to college, and he came home to an empty home with no one to celebrate with, and he did not even own a full set of dishes if he had friends to invite over to celebrate his new book. People are living lives of extreme access or solitude. The moral versus economic lens is being blurred. People are prioritizing productivity over people and relationships.
I couldn’t help as a mom but feel a little gut punch when I read about 80% of children in his study said their parents would rather they get good test scores than be a kind person. Really makes you think, doesn’t it? How can you make sure your children are living a life full of importance while also helping them build good character. Again, some eulogy virtues that come to mind: courage, bravery, humility, faithfulness, integrity, and generosity are all of great importance. I would also dare to say, most are not taught in the classroom but rather through daily practice with intentional inner work at home with our loved ones.
Today I challenge you to take a step back from your day-to-day as I have. What do you want your kids to say about you at your funeral? How do you want to be remembered? Do we really want our material success and accomplishments to define all that we are? Or would we rather have the depth of our character and the virtues we embody discussed? I’m picking the latter. A few minutes a day focused on eulogy virtues and cultivating stronger relationships could profoundly impact our lives and our children’s. Sign me up.
