My life unfiltered looks a lot like the morning mayhem of lost keys, misplaced shoes, forgotten phones and computers, and pump parts and lunch bags.
My unfiltered life looks a lot like apologizing for being late to daycare and work and the meeting – again.
My unfiltered life looks a lot like mom guilt and the equal desire for “me” time.
My unfiltered life looks a lot like calling my own mom to ask her what I should do because, despite my title, I simply do not know what to do.
My unfiltered life looks a lot like the art of scraping a limp body off the ground, puddle of tears and flailing limbs.
My unfiltered life looks a lot like a toddler squatting during bathtime. Because, yes, she did in fact poop in the tub.
My unfiltered life looks like stares of annoyance and exhaustion and understanding at my spouse.
My unfiltered life looks a lot like “just breathe,” but feels even more like anxiety.
The socially shared version of myself many times doesn’t visually align with my actual self. The story that my Instagram and Facebook tell is one that is edited down and touched up. It’s the best version of my life experience. Sometimes, it’s not even the best version – it’s just the “for mass consumption” version of myself. The problem is that when we live our online lives behind filters, associated with being so #blessed, we’re only adding to the bigger depiction that life really is perfect, that motherhood is filled with magazine photos, that our lives are in flawless contrast and our kids always love each other. Everyone cooperates, and smiles are always so easy to come by. And if that is true for you – that is wonderful. However, I have a feeling that those instances are more often outliers than anything else.
That’s not to say that the highlights aren’t worth sharing. Hell, they’re worth celebrating. You deserve it. We all deserve that. I want to post my happiest moments and memories because motherhood too is filled with those things. Some days they’re tucked between full-blown break downs and blown out diapers. Sometimes they’re in the moments after the baby goes to sleep and I sit for the first time since walking through the doors after work. Sometimes they come right after the tears have fallen or before my feet hit the floor in the morning. Sometimes they come all at once, in an overwhelming rush that makes me ask “how did I deserve this?” and sometimes it comes right after my last straw breaks, when I call out, “what did I ever do to deserve this?!?”
But, we deserve all the vibes. All the feels. The good. The bad. The hard to breathe. The hard to describe. The hard to come by and ever to forget. And so do those who follow our lives; who follow the perception – whatever it may be.
I’m making a personal goal to share more of my unfiltered life with others. Even when it looks a lot like…well, motherhood.
