Today was my baby’s last first day of preschool. He is our youngest, and it’s hard not to feel like everything that happens this year is a last. Starting when our oldest was just a baby in the preschool’s nursery, we’ve been taking our kids to this preschool for ten years. For ten years, I’ve been doing drop-offs and pick-ups here. And now, this year, I’m doing it all for the last time.
I usually don’t actually like the overdramatized rhetoric around kids growing up. You know what I’m talking about—things written just to make you feel really sad about how your kids are growing up, and nothing lasts, and wasn’t this the sweetest they were ever going to be, and now it’s over? Thinking about this year in terms of “lasts” makes it easy to feel like I’m slipping into that melancholy space. Instead, I’m choosing to let it fuel a different perspective. I’m choosing to let the reality that it’s our last year at this preschool help remind me to be present as much as I can.
Yes, this was his last first day of preschool, but wasn’t that so special to walk in with him to his new room and see his growth even from last year? He didn’t cling to me. He didn’t even need a hug goodbye (I did, though!). He knew the routine. He just went in and started playing. This was his last first day at preschool, and I saw it all. I wasn’t rushed or distracted. I could feel proud of him and cherish that moment, being fully present.
Instead of just going through the familiar motions (I’ve been doing this for ten years—it’s very familiar), I want to look for ways to savor this year with him. Of course, this feels easy with big things (his last costume parade!), but I want to try my hardest to be present in the most routine things, too. Our drives to and from school. Our walks to his classroom. Our chats about his day.
The truth is, this is always my goal—to be present for my kids—but sometimes in the rush of life, I speed through my day on autopilot. I’m thankful for this last year of preschool as a way to remind me to be fully there for each of my kids, not just during milestone years or moments, but all the time. When I look back at times in my life that I knew I was most present, I feel the most content. So many things in this life are demanding our attention, but I know we’re never going to regret giving most of it to our families, whether it’s a last year or a first year or everything in between.
