I’m tired. Nine days on the coast and three time zones from here have gotten my circadian rhythm all kinds of messed up. I wish I could tell you we were vacationing, but we weren’t; we were in Seattle for a youth soccer tournament. This is the second year our daughter’s team advanced to nationals. Last year was San Diego, and it makes me wonder if this whole thing is an exercise in insanity. The time, resources, energy, effort, and sacrifice that the travel youth sports world requires is truly next level. So, is it worth it?
In short, the answers vary for each family, even from child to child. The unique advantage of our large family is the perspective gained with several trials over a long period of time. Our travel sports case study has been nearly 25 years, and we have eight kids in the making. So far, four of our children have been (or are) Division 1 athletes, one has been invited to national team camps, and four others are in various stages of their journeys with travel sports. We’ve tackled travel football, basketball, baseball, gymnastics, diving, soccer, and cross country. Our experiences have taken us to every corner of the country. And though I could expound on all of it, the most important perspectives are that of my oldest children, retrospectively, now that their youth travel sports days are over. If you are struggling, like we are, to find clarity and balance in the crazy world of youth sports, you might find these takeaways from my adulting children helpful.
The Wins:
The youth travel team camaraderie and community built within the children themselves (not parents) is the foundation of lifelong friendships. The early bonds of brotherhood and sisterhood are crucial to both athletic and social development. The potential to develop a winning culture in life and on the field/pitch/gym starts here.
Getting comfortable with being uncomfortable is invaluable. Learning early translates exponentially in early adulthood. It is truly a differentiator. Sometimes we win, sometimes we learn. Not everyone gets a trophy. Success rarely comes without discomfort.
Growth is inevitable. Travel sports reign supreme when it comes to growing as an athlete and an individual. Exposure to different cultures, regions, and levels of athleticism allows children to see, hear, and feel what it takes to be the person they want to be (or not be).
There’s always time. Even our collegiate athletes, balancing classwork, travel, training, and in the case of our Air Force Academy grad, military training, found time outside of their sports to do other things. Different seasons allow for more or less balance, but you will never find a better time-management training tool than sports.
Money. Ugh. Stay with me because this can be a win and a loss. Travel sports are freaking expensive – i.e., Swarovski crystal-studded leotards or the aforementioned nine-day cross-country soccer extravaganza. BUT, but, but… all that aside, sports can pay. Our children have gone to college for free so far. And, though we have likely come close to pre-paying for college with years of tuition, fees, lessons, equipment, and travel, all the other byproducts of developing athletes are priceless. Either way, do the math and decide what’s right for you.
You can do it all, and it’s not too late. You don’t have to commit at age two to have great success. True success comes in a healthy relationship with your sport, and multi-sport athletes get to dabble in it all before they determine what they love. One daughter went from gymnastics to diving, pole vaulting, and finally hurdling in high school. She’s on a hurdling scholarship in college, and I would argue her body and mind are healthier with her late start.
Kids understand service to others. Nearly every sport is a WE, not a ME. Children learn to value relationships and care for others. They discover they can do hard things and have a greater understanding of their role within a group.
Overall health is a great advantage of travel sports. Injuries aside, athletes are physically healthier, stronger, more flexible, and have the stamina to tackle just about anything. Confidence is a natural by-product. Having a physical outlet to help process mental stress and overload curbs the reliance on unhealthy choices or behaviors in early adulthood.
The Losses:
The ego is the enemy, especially the parental ego. Be very wary of parents living vicariously through their children and promoting them without a healthy regard for the relationships within the team. Sometimes, the healthiest coaching cultures are those in which the invested, expert adults have no biological relation to the children themselves. Separate parenting and coaching.
Travel sports put puberty center stage. The uncontrollable timing of a child’s puberty is a make-or-break for many teams. It can inflate a child’s ability as well as overlook talent due to size. Look for programs and coaches who coach children and talent, not bodies. Your child’s confidence will thank you.
Money grabs are everywhere, and we all succumb. Many camps and experiences prey on parents and athletes who want to invest in any opportunity to get ahead. However, genuine experiences focus on the craft and skills of the sport, not on a flashy “Twitter” handle or Insta highlight. You can pay to say you’ve achieved just about any status, regardless of its authenticity, so use discernment.
There will always be crappy coaches, jealous friends, and community haters. They are unavoidable. Be prepared.
Exhaustion is real. Even when you’re “off,” you’re not. There will always be a workout or a recovery. Burnout results from a tired body with a tired mind, which can be bad… really bad.
Children can equate their value to their performance; differentiating is challenging. A child’s identity as a human gets ensnared in their identity as an athlete, and poor performance is devastating to mental health. Keep those identities separate. Mental training is equally as important as physical. There will be pressure, especially if your child is talented and especially if he/she is a people-pleaser.
Some coaches, even those with incredible credentials, don’t get it. They are not healthy. If your gut tells you something is off, it is. Be cautious of anyone who makes you choose between your sport, education, family, or faith. Unfortunately, coaches manipulate younger children and families into thinking the sport is the top priority and can even threaten serious consequences. Red flag.
Ultimately, all my kids said their youth travel sports journeys were worth it. The connections, lessons, discipline, humility, health, confidence, sense of accomplishment, time management skills, efficiency, and the drive to go above and beyond have outweighed the more painful lessons and sacrifices. Their histories as athletes have allowed them comfortability, NOT being like everyone else. It has catapulted them into incredible educational and professional endeavors. They don’t settle for average, and they don’t shy away from intensity. Struggling and doing hard things while they were young has allowed them to enter adulthood with confidence and a clear set of values.
So, if you’re going all in with youth sports, do it the right way and for the right reasons. Ugly truth bomb: get real with yourself as an adult first. Define your values with your children, set boundaries, and communicate them both early and often. Success doesn’t always look like a winning performance, nor does a win equate to success. Your young athletes may not feel the ultimate victories for years.
