I Never Thought I’d Be Pregnant During a Pandemic

I’m 39 weeks pregnant with my third baby. I’m tired, I’m achy, I’m overwhelmed, and I’m emotional. I don’t know if these symptoms are pregnancy-related or due to the stress of the pandemic, but I’m guessing it’s a combination of both. At this point in my pregnancy, I would prefer to get out of the house and distract myself. Maybe I’d go on a last-minute date with my husband, take my older kids to do something fun, or have an hour to myself at the nail salon, but instead, I’m spending the majority of my time at home in my pajamas. My house is a mess, my kids are usually half-dressed, and I can hardly even remember what day it is. I’ve spent most of my third trimester — of what could very likely be my last pregnancy — in quarantine. I feel a little bit robbed.

I never thought I’d be pregnant during a pandemic. 

I realize that a lot of my disappointments are first world problems. I can’t go to the store or a restaurant and grab the foods that I’m craving right when I’m craving them. I can’t pamper myself with a hair cut or pedicure before I go through labor and delivery. I can’t have a photographer capture my family and my new baby after she’s born, and I can’t even introduce my parents, my siblings, or my older children to the baby while we’re in the hospital. I’ve had to mourn the loss of all of these things, as trivial as they may seem right now.

I never thought I’d be pregnant during a pandemic.

Then, there’s fear. The fear of contracting the virus before going to the hospital and being separated from the baby because of it, the fear of being exposed to the virus while in the hospital, and the fear of having a newborn baby in a time when there’s so much uncertainty. Should we go out in public at all this spring and summer? When will she be able to meet her grandparents? Will we truly be safe at pediatrician appointments? I also have a fear of postpartum depression, knowing that I won’t be able to have much in-person support once we are home.

I never thought I’d be pregnant during a pandemic.

Despite all of my fears and disappointments, I’ve tried to come to terms with the fact that, for some reason, I was chosen to have a baby during this time. I feel incredibly lucky to be bringing new life and light into this world right now. In a time when many people aren’t able to make plans or have things to look forward to, I am anticipating what will be one of the best days of my life. And I know I’m not alone. Thousands, maybe even millions, of women around the world are preparing to give birth in the upcoming days, weeks, and months, and they’re facing the same uncertainties that I am. As strange as it may sound, that gives me comfort.

I never thought I’d be pregnant during a pandemic.

But who would have?