A baby’s first words lead to parental excitement and pride. A child’s first questions, while sometimes exhausting, are adorable. “What’s that? What’s THAT?”
I was excited for my oldest to ask the “why” questions. I eagerly anticipated passing down my wisdom and knowledge to help shape this child into the kind, curious, intelligent person he would become.
The first “why” questions he asked were easy.
Why do we live in a house?
Why do we have to eat vegetables?
Why do I need to sleep?
Why do I have two ears?
My oldest is now nine. He has always been a precocious child, so when he was younger, he asked difficult questions beyond his ability to cope with or understand. It was easy for me then to put off these responses and tell him that we would talk about that when he was older.
Well, that time is here. My son’s questions are challenging now, and I have to start answering some of them.
We had a whole discussion about why people have different religious beliefs than we do and why we should respect those beliefs.
We talked about death and what heaven might look like.
We talked about bullies, what we should do if we see others being bullied, and what to do if we are bullied ourselves.
I wish we could magically receive the answers to these questions in an all-encompassing, tough-question cheat sheet. Instead, I offer some general tips to navigate the rough waters of the “upper childhood/not yet tween” questions.
It’s ok to say, “I don’t know.” My son saw a man wearing a turban at the store. He was curious, and once we were in the car, he asked me why he was wearing it. To be honest, I didn’t really know. I’d heard it was for religious reasons, but I didn’t know what those reasons were. We went home and researched it.
It’s ok to say, “I need to think about that one.” When my son asked me about death and heaven, my husband wasn’t home. I told my son I would answer his questions, but he needed to wait. I wanted to make sure my husband and I were on the same page about what to share with our child. We discussed it that night after the kids were asleep, and then I answered my son’s questions the next day.
It’s ok to say, “Not yet.” My son asked about the birds and the bees. My husband and I had already anticipated answering this one. We shared some information with him. Enough that we believe is appropriate for a nine-year-old. But we didn’t tell him everything. We answered some of his questions, “We’ll have to talk about that one later, buddy.” We made sure to explain to him why we weren’t answering some of his questions now, and we reiterated that we would answer them as soon as we felt he was ready.
I never want to dismiss my child’s question or tell him that something doesn’t concern him. I want him to know that he can always come to me with tough questions. I may not always give him the answer he’s looking for, but I will always respond to the best of my ability.
