One year before 40, I’m choosing what comes with me… and gracefully, what doesn’t. Turning 39 is a meaningful milestone.
I don’t think I ever realized that getting older would have less to do with counting the years and more to do with taking a real look at my life until recently. Now, at one year until 40, I find myself reflecting on what I want to embrace, what I’ve outgrown, and what I want to be free from. This isn’t a year where I’m seeking to reinvent myself or have an unrealistic checklist to accomplish before I turn 40. Instead, I’m realizing I want less pressure, less guilt, less “should,” and more of what makes my heart smile. Since turning 39 only happens once, I figured I might as well make a list. Not a bucket list. Not a “39 things to do before 40” list. Nope. This one is about what I’m leaving behind, one by one. It turns out, turning 39 means rethinking so much.
- Trying to do everything myself. – Even Superwoman needs a break sometimes.
- Feeling like I have to have it all figured out- there’s something powerful about admitting I’m still figuring things out.
- Single mom guilt.- My story is beautiful without shame.
- Waiting for the perfect time – Sometimes the answer is just GO.
- Overthinking decisions that don’t deserve that much energy.
- The need to make everything perfect.
- Feeling conflicted about treating myself or having a kid-free evening.
- Saying yes just because I don’t want to disappoint people.
- Thinking I can actually function on 5 hours of sleep, listen to your Oura ring!
- Thinking the scale reflects progress.
- Thinking I’m the fixer- While Olivia Pope is goals, she’s fictional.
- Thinking that rest is the reward.
- Saving things for a special occasion – cause I’m probably not going anyways.
- Being afraid to do things solo.
- The idea that motherhood means my needs are secondary.
- Doing things the same way, just because I’m comfortable.
- Explaining myself when “no” is enough.
- Taking everything personally.
- Regretting having “a little something sweet” after dinner.
- Thinking I need permission to try something new.
- Feeling guilty for take-out dinners. – Yes to Chipotle today, Kiddo!.
- Overpacking for a 2-day trip.
- Thinking I need to buy something online weekly.
- Turning every idea into a project or task.
- Being the planner for everything- sorry, sistafriendz.
- Trying to capture every moment digitally.
- Feeling guilty for skipping a workout- refers back to #12!
- Turning every question into a TED Talk – They can just Google the answer.
- Feeling like a schedule has to be stacked in order to be productive. Indianapolis Moms article that’s helping me.
- Feeling responsible for everyone’s feelings.
- Collecting a pile of “we should do this” reels on IG, without actually doing them.
- Holding myself to standards I would never hold another mom to.
- Feeling guilty for needing a break from being Mommy.
- Thinking I have to explain every parenting choice.
- Thinking I need a lesson out of every situation.
- Saying “real quick” before starting something that is absolutely not going to be quick.
- Keeping a mental tab or Notes tab of everything I still need to do.
- Thinking “I’m too old” to try something new; recovery will probably take longer, sure, but why not have an adventure.
- Treating 40 like a deadline instead of another chapter.
As I blow out these 39 candles, I am thankful for all the years that got me here, the good ones, the tough ones, and everything in between. Also, turning 39 feels like a major step toward embracing myself. Although I am looking forward to the future, there is something to be said for stopping and savoring this year and not always planning for the next one. Saying goodbye to these 39 things has made me realize just how little I am carrying around with me. So, cheers to 39, living in the now, and making space for what matters. Ultimately, turning 39 is just the beginning of a new chapter for me.
