When it comes to social circles, being a single mom is not really the one I’d planned for. My plus one is currently a cartwheeling 5-year old, and while I love a good cinnamon toast date like the rest of you, I still would like a night to squeeze into some Spanx and carry on an adult conversation.
The question was brought up recently on one of my many Facebook groups, “Does anyone feel like they don’t get invited to things like they used to?”
The comments came flooding in from this special group of solo mamas.
“Yep, my friends have completely changed.”
“I get invited if it’s a girl’s night but not to events for couples anymore.”
“Maybe they think I’ll feel like a third wheel? But I don’t get invited; instead I see the pictures of my old friends on Facebook.”
Don’t even get me started on weddings. Most weddings are “Adult Only” (PRAISE), but there’s also the strange anticipation of wondering if I’ll get a “and guest” on the invite or a simple, glaring script on the stationary reminding me of my solo status. While I’m no Emily Post, I do think if you’re past the age of 25, you should get the option of bringing a guest to a wedding.
So, here’s what I want everyone to know. Single moms don’t have the plague. Inviting us to a couple’s dinner or vacation won’t break any rules and if we don’t want to come- we won’t.
I promise we’re not contagious, the only thing you’ll catch is a different perspective. An odd number of chairs at a table can create a new fun dynamic and maybe if you give me enough wine I’ll even share a bad date story and who doesn’t love one of those over a charcuterie plate?
Parenting alone is rarely someone’s life goal, but it’s something that happens. Whether it’s divorce or death, as we enter our 30s, there are going to be more of us and instead of holding your breath hoping you’re not next, expanding your circle to those who need you is going to help us all exhale through the awkward.
The times a friend has offered to pick me up or sent her husband to the bar to grab two drinks instead of just one has made a significant impact on my life and made me feel like I belong. Single mamas are already doing so much of life alone, these small moments of inclusion are huge and have nearly brought tears to my mascara lined eyes.
Families come in all shapes and sizes, and our kids need to see that within our social circles too. I recently sat with a mom who told me about being in school as a kid, and when they covered sins they made her sit in the hallway because her parents were divorced! Can you imagine?!
My family is two people- and we rock! So, don’t be afraid to add us to your invite list or couple’s night out. Hey, you can even share my sitter.
