Breastfeeding Is A Team Sport: Top Tips For Support Partners 

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Breastfeeding may seem like a solitary activity, but it benefits so much from support by a partner and others. Everything about raising a baby, including lactation, truly is a team sport. This is especially true because lactation is like a marathon, one which we often aren’t prepared for. I will never forget the first thing our hospital lactation consultant said after my first baby was born. She entered the room, looked at my husband, and called him to the bedside. She told him that he was the most important factor in whether I reached my lactation goals. Little did we know, I was at the very beginning of an incredibly painful and difficult lactation journey. Her words became truth – I would never have survived the coming lactastrophe without his unflagging support and care. This article is dedicated to my husband and to every support partner who helps other lactating parents in their journey. For those of you just starting on this journey, these are my top tips for support partners during lactation.

Tip #1: Line up a lactation care team.

Check into local support groups, including at your hospital. Often, La Leche League and Breastfeeding USA have local resources that can help. Look into options such as private postpartum doulas and lactation consultants. Find out if there are any Breastfeeding Medicine physicians in your area. In the early days, any problem with lactation needs to be handled urgently. A team lined up ahead of time is a lifesaver if issues arise. 

Tip #2: Learn about lactation.

Just like many parents take a birthing class before labor, a lactation class can be an invaluable way to prepare for breastfeeding. As a Breastfeeding Medicine physician, I find that many lactation challenges are predictable and preventable. Many more are manageable with the right information ahead of time. Read articles and watch videos from reputable sources. Check into local or virtual lactation classes. Hospitals often have a basic class, and many private lactation consultants and breastfeeding medicine doctors offer options as well. 

Tip #3: Set boundaries to protect your lactating partner.

Your partner is busy growing a human. This is a time when family and friends will want to visit – this can be energizing but can also be tiring. Answer the phone, arrange times for visits to start (and end!), and request help where it’s needed. Think about how you will manage any negative or unhelpful comments from others. Talk to your partner before the baby arrives. Discuss any difficult relationships that may cause challenges during this time and consider solutions to set boundaries as needed to protect your partner. 

Tip #4: Be the caregiver for your lactating partner.

It can be easy to forget to care for yourself when you have a new baby. Make it your priority to care for your partner’s physical needs in this time. Keep their water bottle full, stock their nursing area with snacks, and help with baby duties to allow them to sleep when possible. Help with any household tasks. It can sometimes feel as if you don’t get time to connect with your baby during this time. In the early days, bond with your new baby over baths, diapers, and during your partner’s needed breaks. Don’t worry, there will be many more opportunities to bond with your baby as they get older too.

Tip #5: Listen and empathize.

It can be very challenging to watch your partner suffer or struggle. It is hard knowing you won’t be able to fix every problem your lactating partner faces. Be ready to offer a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, and a hug when needed. Sometimes, your partner will need to vent and express their feelings without you trying to fix them. Adapting to this need can be a game changer for a relationship. Pro tip: As a support partner, you need emotional support too. Line up someone who will look after your emotional well-being and be a listening ear for you during this time.  

Tip #6: Create a safe space to breastfeed, chest feed, or pump.

It can be intimidating to nurse or pump milk in front of friends and family at first. Please talk with your partner about what makes them comfortable and then facilitate the situation. Sit by them and project calm confidence if they decide to nurse or pump in front of others. If your lactating partner prefers, then arrange a private space or ask family to leave the room when needed. Don’t forget about photography – offer to snap pictures and video of your partner while breastfeeding, chest feeding, or even pumping or bottle feeding if they want these moments captured. 

Tip #7: Tell your partner you support their efforts.

Accept that lactation takes time and energy. Nothing about newborns is easy. The first few weeks of lactation and breastfeeding take a lot of effort, even if things are going well. If there are challenges, as there often are in the early days, then the needed effort multiplies. Let your lactating partner know that you understand this and support them unconditionally. 

Tip #8: Be flexible in your support.

This is a time of many changes for both you and your lactating partner. Create flexible plans, knowing you will have to correct course frequently over these early weeks. Let your partner know they’ve got this – and you’ve got them. 

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