When Friendships End: My Break-up Story

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friendRecently I was broken up with by a female friend of ten years via a balloon-themed card in the mail. That’s right: I was broken up with via snail mail. If you are laughing, I’m right there with you. If you are shaking your head, I’m right there with you. If you are confused, I am right there with you. When it comes to romantic matters, we know break-ups are always a possibility. Still, most people, including myself, are not always mentally prepared to encounter a friend breaking up with us.

The phrase, “People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime,” has really helped me process the demise of this decade-long friendship. I can smile as I reflect on the good times with this friend, and I can find peace in knowing that it was for a season and we have now gone our separate ways. Our boys were born on the same day, an hour apart, and she and I enjoyed many sweet moments of motherhood together. We leaned on each other when we weren’t getting much sleep. We laughed when our boys ran wild on playdates. We shared our highs, lows, and all the in-betweens for ten years. Overall, it was a fun chapter.

Our friendship ultimately changed over time, and it wasn’t always what I envisioned; I found myself more annoyed or stressed at times than I was happy. But I was staying positive and trying to focus on the highlights of our friendship. Time always tells, though, right? When the card arrived from my friend, I experienced a mix of emotions ranging from sadness to confusion to giggling. The predominant emotion that took over, though, was peace. If that’s how she felt it was best to handle things, ok. If she was trying to get a final jab in, ok. If she was not wanting to take time to talk instead of mailing a card, ok. As you grow, certain things can become intolerable to your liking, and that is ok. I wasn’t going to give any more energy, and I was rejecting the negativity that was seemingly attached to the card if that was the intent.

Was the card in the mail a slap in the face? I’m not sure. I know I would never do that to someone who I once considered a friend. I had to ask myself if this was real life when I opened up that card and saw the words “This friendship is over.” She spent $4.29 on a balloon card, put a stamp on it, and mailed it to me. I guess having a conversation was not a possibility. Anyways, I find peace in knowing we had some good times and going forward. I don’t have to worry about managing a friendship that was no longer positive in my life. I know my value, I know my heart, and I know the people that are meant to be in my life will be in it, and it should be mutually enriching, respectful, and FUN!

Sometimes people can change, and the dynamic you once shared no longer exists. Sometimes people’s expectations for a relationship or friendship are not in alignment. Sometimes we may realize we are looking for different things, and perhaps the friendship does not provide the joy it once did. Friendships can also end because someone was mean and said things they could not take back. If a friendship is de-prioritized by one friend or the other, that can take a toll over time.

There’s no doubt that life has a way of keeping us on our toes and throwing curveballs amidst blessings amidst chaos amidst peace. You know when one part of your life seems solid and good, another might seem shaky or uncertain? Or you have days where everything seems hard, and then all of a sudden, everything is going smoothly again. That’s just life. We know life is short, so surround yourself with your tribe of people who uplift you and empower you. Accept nothing less than respect in your friendships and relationships; you deserve it.

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