When my sister texted our group chat the other day with a link to the New York Times article about Hayden Panettiere’s death, my stomach immediately dropped. I was deeply saddened by the deaths of Diane Keaton and Catherine O’Hara in the past year as well, but this one hit differently.
There are very few things I’m committed enough to deep dive (that’s my husband’s job), but I quickly began scouring the internet for details surrounding Hayden’s untimely death. Of course, Instagram helped as my algorithm began serving me post after post filled with tributes to the beautiful, complex person she was. I became so consumed by her story, her career, her journey into motherhood that I had to delete Instagram because it began to take a toll.
I loved Hayden in Remember the Titans and Nashville, but didn’t spend much time following her in recent years. Through all my “research” and in particular the time I spent listening to her podcast with Jay Shetty, I found myself relating to her in unexpected ways. My sister has a quote that says something to the effect of, “The specific is universal”. She references it as a writer, and I interpret it to mean that the specific details of our stories do not have to be identical to evoke similar emotions. Hayden’s story is that for me. While I was not a childhood star, have not lost a sibling, or battled substance abuse, as I listened to Hayden share vulnerable pieces of her life, I continued to get a sense of how misunderstood she likely felt for most of her life, especially when it came to making difficult decisions regarding her daughter. The world is often unkind to women, particularly as it relates to expectations of motherhood. It takes a commitment to remind ourselves that we’re doing a great job (and that we have incredible supportive friends), despite thousands of competing voices trying to convince us otherwise.
I have felt misunderstood at various points in my life, and it never gets easier. Feeling misunderstood as a mom feels especially exposing, as the stakes feel extra high when you love your kids as much as every mom does. Hayden shared on the podcast her experience being let go from her decade-long contract after publicly sharing about her postpartum depression. I would imagine we can all relate to the moments we debate sharing something aloud that feels extra vulnerable because the cost can feel like a high price to pay. In those moments, what compels me to share is the hope that my story will make even one person feel less alone. This is what Hayden did for us.
She chose to share her pain, time and time again, on public platforms, not because she wanted to, but because I’m sure she believed that it would make a difference for someone that day. I will be taking a break from the deep dives for a bit, but I’m grateful for the opportunity to have learned more about such an incredibly courageous woman. May we all summon the bravery within us to share one hard thing with one person today in honor of Hayden.
