Hey Siri, Find My Sex Drive


sex driveI once heard someone say “thank your dad that you were born because most likely your mom was not in the mood.” I chuckle every time I think about that statement because I can completely identify with it. At some point in my marriage, I think it was after child number two, my sex drive plummeted. I don’t want to blame it on the kids per se, but I do know my energy levels have decreased a great deal. 

In my opinion, my husband is still pretty sexy after ten years of marriage. He has this smile that draws you in and a swagger that demands attention. Many women comment on how he can work a room because of his confidence and his glow. I’m not beating women off with a stick, but overall I have a pretty desirable husband. 

At the beginning of our marriage, it was easy to be all over this man. I’m not the “we could do it anywhere 112 type” but with him, I was willing. Then I got pregnant and was still willing. Then we lost that baby and I was scared to be touched. 

Months later after processing through that grief and grieving other miscarriages, we saw a fertility doctor so sex became regularly scheduled. We made it as fun as any couple could when shots and needles and basal body temperatures were being taken daily, we tried to maintain that spark. It worked at times and at times it was dutiful. We were both exhausted and enslaved to the fertility calendar. Eventually, it paid off and we had a beautiful little girl. 

Once I started to feel more comfortable with my new post-pregnancy body, I began to easily succumb to the smile. It made me weak on multiple occasions. Then there was another one born. And another. And another. And another! I still love his smile, his presence, his confidence yet in the back of my mind, I ask him to please flash those pearly whites elsewhere and be confident from a distance because this mother does not have the energy. 

Some studies have found that most married couples have sex five times per month, averaging at least once a week. If I’m honest this is #goals. 

So I wonder where did my sex drive go? What happened to my libido? Currently, I am trying to determine if it is hormonal, medical, exhaustion, stress, the pandemic, just not in the mood, or all of the above. 

I do love my husband and I want to be with him intimately. I wish I could figure my sex drive out, but I’m just too tired to think about it. My journey has indeed had some bumps in the road. If only it was as simple as asking Siri.