Intimacy is better married. Let’s get into it, as the youths say these days.
My husband and I have been married for more than 10 years, and I have zero reservations in saying our sex life has never been better. I think it has to do with a few factors. One being that we matured together. When we were dating at 20 years old, we were obviously just getting to know each other physically, emotionally, and all the other aspects. We had many firsts together, and we grew in all the things together. Neither of us knew what true love and affection were, but that changed pretty quickly for us.
We fell fast and were very open with one another. However, I was pretty reserved sexually. Having grown up in a household that preached celibacy until marriage and rarely discussed intimacy on any level, I wasn’t very good about expressing myself in that way. He also came from a modest household. So we were able to work through those hurdles together and learn deeply about what the other desired.
Then (as the saying goes), first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage—actually, multiple babies in a double stroller with accessories for riders too. Having babies is hard work, and raising them is even harder. In the throes of parenthood, it can be easy for your marriage to take a backseat. But I am one who deeply believes that your marriage comes first. We take regular date nights and parents-only trips, and treasure our QT in the evenings after bedtime. This mindset also carries over to our sex life. While some days I’m touched out or my hormones are so all over the place that I seemingly have no libido, most times we make intimacy a priority. We’ve learned to be flexible with the when and where – late at night, during the kids’ afternoon naps, in our bed, in the car (obviously, kid-free). My favorite is the “code phrase” we’ve come up with. If the kids are busy or entertaining each other, we’ll say, “We have to go move some furniture in our bedroom!” Works like a charm… usually.
I’ve also discovered some things that have helped me be more eager for bedroom activities, especially in those times when I feel like my sex drive is lacking. One is to read the occasional spicier book. Books not only help me escape in times of stress, but also help me appreciate what I have in my man. I also find that certain herbs or vitamins help with symptoms that can impede intimacy, like fatigue or hormone imbalances. It’s taken trial and error, and different seasons of life require different things. My mental state is also something I work on daily. As I’ve aged, I’ve come to realize the importance of taking care of my mental well-being and the impact it has on every aspect of my life.
My husband and I are so comfortable together now. But that doesn’t mean we are set in our ways. We still try new things in the bedroom. We still send each other dirty texts. We still kiss and hug and laugh frequently. We still work diligently to keep the magic alive and learn about each other. We know that having sex isn’t the only way to be intimate. And that comfort we feel is what makes it all work and contributes to intimacy being better married.
I hate it when I see a movie or show where a couple is about to be married and someone chimes in with a line like, “Just wait until you’re married! Then the sex will stop!” It is so the opposite for us. Like everyone, some days of marriage are harder than others (pun intended). But we still yearn for that happy ending (again, pun intended). We still choose one another in all ways every day. We will always hold our relationship, both in and out of the bedroom, in the highest regard. Intimacy can be better in marriage, and I’m thankful that’s the case for me.
