How did moms survive without the power of the Internet? Without the ability to peer into other moms’ lives and feel just a little less terrible about themselves? With no simple ways to connect with other moms who will talk you off the ledge? I know I love to hear confessions from other moms about how they get from point A to point B each day, so here’s a random sampling of my own personal brand of insanity. Here’s my crazy for the day:
- Turned off my daughter’s monitor in the middle of the night because even though her room is pretty far away, I can hear her if she really screams.
- When dry shampoo failed to resurrect my hair that hadn’t been washed in five days this morning, decided to fight fire with fire and applied a heaping tablespoon of Argan Oil from root to tip to give what I hoped would read as a “scrunchy, ’90s grunge” look.
- Scraped several clumps of dried booger off my daughter’s bed sheet with my thumb nail instead of changing it. All clean!
- Stuck my daughter’s big toe in my nostril to make her laugh. #classyAF
- Gave my daughter copious handfuls of sugary yogurt bites to keep her quiet so I could finish reading an article on my phone.
- Accidentally found myself Facebook stalking an acquaintance from college to figure out if she’s still married.
- Drank a fourth cup of coffee at 3 p.m. despite the fact that my hands were still visibly shaking from the last three cups. MORE COFFEE, ALWAYS. I WILL GO DOWN WITH THE SHIP.
- Unintentionally started a massive, heated debate on my Facebook page (spanning several different friend groups). The topic? Pros and cons of having a screen door.
- Sobbed so hysterically while listening to a podcast on the way home that I had to turn it off and pull over to regain my composure. #hormones
- Fell down a black hole of crazy Internet forums about autism and vaccines, then proceeded to convince myself that my daughter was becoming autistic. Suffered through minor panic attack until I was able to leave work, pick her up from daycare, and clutch her tiny body like we’d just been rescued from a deserted island. I am firmly pro-vaccine, but she’s been acting off since her 12-month shots, and I managed to get sucked into the anti-vaccine rhetoric for a day. It can happen to the best of us. The line between anxiety and reality is really hard to navigate some days.
And in case I haven’t fully convinced you I’m secretly a Southern housewife from the ’60s who is rapidly losing her grip on reality, I also called my husband ten minutes after arriving home with my child to demand through tears that he leave work as soon as possible. I’m a real treat.
Any confessions to share today?