Communication is my New Weakness, Sorry, I Replied in my Head

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textingInevitably, I seem to think I have replied to a message at least once every few days, only to realize I never did. I used to delay opening messages till I was ready to read them. That worked well until I became a mom. Unfortunately, now, sometimes messages go days without a response, and it is not for lack of care or concern. Communication went from a strength to a weakness.

So often,a message gets opened, usually by me, sometimes by my daughter, and that little reminder goes away. Only for it to be buried between the 15 sales promotion emails a day. This is only a slight exaggeration, but not much. Only for me to remember to myself that I think I saw something hours to days later. It’s not for lack of care or consideration of the sender. Like I said, sometimes my kid opens things, one time I realized my car was doing it. But most often, I see a message while in the middle of something else. My ADHD kicks in, and I feel like I need to read it right then and there in the moment, and then something else takes priority of my attention. There is not a handy button in text messages like email where you can flag for follow-up or mark something you once read as unread. I wonder if there is a suggestion box for the big phone companies for their next update? 

Lately, my brain has just hit max capacity. This is a common cry I call out now: the mental load of parenthood is sometimes too much. Sometimes, I spend more time and effort mentally responding than actually just responding. The mental exhaustion from day-to-day life sometimes just puts me at my max capacity, where I cannot handle adding anything else. Being the coordinator of many things for our family, work, and other personal commitments affects my communication and conversations, especially texts after a certain hour. 

However, I love communicating with friends and loved ones. I enjoy getting updates about life and what is happening, the good and the sad. This is where I call out to those that I know and love. Please know I am never ignoring you on purpose. I do not want to ghost you. I want to hear from you. I want to be included. I am reading what you share and how you feel. 

At this stage in life, I shifted from being the one on top of all the messages to always reaching out to check on everyone else. I knew that sometimes multiple messages would be sent before I would get a response, and I still knew my friends cared for me and what I was sharing, but at that time in their lives, they weren’t always able to respond promptly. 

Now, I need others to give me grace, be the one to reach out more and first and know it might be a few messages before I can respond. But please, never stop reaching out and communicating. I’m sorry I replied in my head, and I am grateful for the friendships that give grace for slow or late communication. 

Sincerely overwhelmed mothers everywhere. 

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Tori Ehlerding
Tori is born and raised in Indiana. She currently resides in Broad Ripple with her husband, Jeremy, their daughter, Eloise, and their three dogs, Bella, Wrigley, and Penny. Tori graduated from Purdue University with a degree in Management and received her Master’s degree in Business Administration in 2018. She spent her early career in Healthcare Management and is now transitioned to Project Management for an Advertising and Signage. She enjoys supporting local non-profits through volunteerism. She has a passion for planning and organizing. In her free time she loves spending time with her family exploring the city, enjoying a laugh and drink with friends, reading, and hiking.

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