Firstborn, I Miss You Already

I am a few weeks shy of my due date with your brother, and often thoughts of him fill my mind. Still, there you are. You consume me in a way that is extraordinary. I spend more time with you than anyone, and that soon will change. Or at least, we’ll be adding someone to our equation.

I’ve read that a mother’s heart will simply grow when another child is born. I know that will be true for me. But, I know the amount of time I have each day will not grow. While my love will remain the same, our relationship undoubtedly will change. I want you to know that while I’m ready to grow our family, I’m also emotional about the change to us. 

You see, I understand every story you tell – even when you’re mumbling and things don’t make sense to friends or family. I see what you see everyday and talk to you more than anyone else. I know your voice and how you pronounce certain words with that unique flair. I can often anticipate how something may make you feel and what things may make you feel better. I know where each scrape came from (though some bruises seem to appear out of nowhere). I know what you want to wear today, possibly because I didn’t let you wear it yesterday. I know why you are laughing because I’m laughing, too. Here’s my point – I get to know and experience pretty much everything when it comes to you. And soon, that will change.

When your brother is here, I will still be here with you. But, you won’t have as much of my attention. Maybe now you’ll want it even more. Maybe you’ll thrive in your newly-increased independence. Regardless, I’ll miss some things. I never thought I’d be a mom who wanted to be there for everything, but for the most part, I am that mom, intentionally so.

I want you to know that while my time and attention may be in flux, my love never will be. Not possibly. Not ever. At this incredibly exciting time as we prepare for the brother I know you will adore and teach so much (and sure, simply just tolerate too), I want you to know that I am still here, and I always will be. Not wanting to miss a thing but cheering you on and loving you wholly.