I first lost my virginity when I was a teenager. I knew all about birth control and safe sex, I wasn’t afraid to talk about sex with my partner and I even bought the first pack of condoms that we would use.
In my early 20’s, I dated multiple people simultaneously. All were aware of the situation and fine with it. I had a sort of schedule worked out: Liam on day one, Kyle on day two, and Sarah had the weekends. When I met my husband, sparks didn’t fly. We stayed great friends, I kept dating.
One day, I went to his house to hang out, and he brought it up. “Why isn’t Liam jealous of Sarah and Kyle?”
“Because I don’t believe in monogamy and they know that; weddings are a cash crop, and brides are the prize heifer to be won. I’m no heifer.”
“Huh. So, if I asked you out?”
“You want to date me still?”
“You’re my best friend, of course I would.”
We started dating and not long after, Kyle graduated, Liam joined the Marines, and Sarah moved back home. I became monogamous by default, even though it was something I was mostly against. My husband and I grew to love one another and went on to get married and have kids.
But it wasn’t happily ever after.
A couple things happened that were gamer-changers for us. I became bored. I loved my husband, but to go from dating multiple people to just one made me miss all the fun that I’d had making connections in those relationships. I loved the busyness of dating–there was always someone to see and new things to do together.
I sat my husband down and presented him with my facts and opinions: 50% of all marriages end in divorce and a whooping 60% of those failed marriages do so because of infidelity. My husband cheated, so we opened our marriage.
Polyamory is certainly not for everyone and our decision was not made lightly. Being poly isn’t something many readily admit to or discuss. After all, there’s a huge difference between Scott and Jessica knowing you are dating them both, and Mom and Dad knowing that. But when I was looking the big “D” straight in the face due to cheating, I was ready to turn over a new leaf and take a different approach to marriage.
Now, date nights out with my husband are exciting again and we get to connect like we did when we first met. The other awesome about being poly? Lots of extra adults to take care of children.
When I look back on my life, I want to know that I spent my time with people who love me for who I am–people who lift me up and tell me to worry less and laugh more, and that’s exactly what I have found. Being poly is a personal decision that I made to save my marriage, and it’s been the best one yet.